“I messed up again! Now I’m back to square one. What’s the use!”

Sound familiar? That’s the self-defeating voice that tells us to quit our healthy eating program whenever we’re less than perfect. It gets louder than ever during the holidays.

It’s a stressful time and stress is known to push us to eat mindlessly. It’s also a time when we’re rushed, making it hard to have regular meals at home. Then there are the scores of party invitations and the high-calorie, high-fat foods crossing our paths continually.

Maybe it’s time to adjust our expectations of ourselves, and consider a new way to manage weight and health during the holidays.

NO TO THE NEGATIVE

The verbal “recordings” that become embedded in our minds through the years and are played over and over again can have a huge impact on our lives.

But these recordings can be edited and even deleted if we’re willing to face them.

I like to think about losing and managing weight as more like a marathon than a sprint.

The marathoner must first train in order to gain fitness and endurance. This includes feeding the body well and knowing when to rest. Running a successful marathon requires pacing. Running too fast means risking injury and possibly having to quit. Winning runners know that they must ignore others that may pass them and keep focus on their own pace.

All of which should sound a lot like weight management. Yet many people treat it more like a sprint, resorting to fad diets and expect large, fast losses.

This sprinter’s mentality applied to a marathon event like weight management sets the dieter up for failure. Familiar self-defeating thoughts then take over. “What’s the use? I failed again.”

The holidays are particularly tough for people with the sprinter’s mentality about weight. Their unreasonable expectations extend to thinking that even during the most elaborate feasts, they’ll pass up all the goodies. They inevitably disappoint themselves and give up.

If they had taken the long-distance runner’s perspective, they would hang in there during the tough times, just like the marathoner gets through the “wall,” and continue past the holidays without losing motivation.

Perhaps they don’t lose weight during the holidays, and maybe they aren’t “perfect,” but they are far more likely to maintain rather than gain. They’re also more likely to enjoy the festivities.

Above all, dieters with more realistic expectations and proper pacing don’t quit. They can continue successfully managing their weight for life, one progressive step at a time.

CREATE NEW MIND-SET

So how about replacing the old, self-defeating thoughts with these:

. “I’m not going to try to do anything extreme during the holidays this year.”

. “I’ll pace myself, stay calm, and focus on the positive.”

. “I won’t let myself get too hungry before eating, I’ll make physical activity a priority, and I’ll feed my body nutritious things.

. “What I do will be more important than the number on the scale and if I’m able to maintain my weight instead of gaining, I’ll consider that a success and continue on.”

So, think of the changes you want to make with weight – and other health goals – like the long-distance runner thinks of the next marathon. Stay calm and pace yourself.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

Do people tend to gain weight after they “settle down” with a romantic partner?  This is a question that interests some researchers.  While there are still questions to be answered about this issue, a number of studies have found that obesity appears to be associated with romantic couples living together (married or not) and that there is a stronger association the longer the couple has lived together.

A study done in 2009 suggested that this relationship has less to do with having traits in common and more to do with environment.  The researchers found that living with a romantic partner for two or more years was correlated with obesity and sedentary behavior.

I don’t think this is terribly surprising to most people.  However, studies that find relationships like these don’t mean that weight gain and obesity are an inevitable part of living with the one you love.  It does mean that if you don’t want to be one of the statistics, you have to put some serious thought and work into the matter.

Creating a lifestyle of activity, nutritious eating, health, and weight management as a couple isn’t easy within our fast-paced, sedentary, and fast food-laden culture but, if it’s important to you, it’s, without a doubt, possible.

That’s exactly what my husband and I did when we got married and started a home-life together. We’ve lived together 13 years.  We have jobs that require a considerable amount of sitting – much like many other Americans.  These jobs, added to the other characteristics of the typical American lifestyle (such as amount of time required to drive to destinations, household time-saving devices like washers and dryers, and sedentary leisure activities such as television and the internet) would definitely get in the way of our health and fitness if we didn’t make sure that they didn’t.

Oftentimes, we hear ourselves say that we don’t have time to take better care of ourselves or that we have too many responsibilities to have the time to be fit.  When it comes to health and fitness, however, few people HAVE the time.  It must be important enough for us to make it a priority – important enough to make us WANT to MAKE the time.  Sure it will take some creativity and habit changing.  And maybe other people might not like our decision.  But, the time won’t magically appear and wishing won’t make it happen either.

Once you’ve made that decision, however, you can have a wonderful adventure together and, not only will you get leaner and healthier, but your relationship can be enhanced by it, also.

Here are some things that my hubby and I do to keep ourselves lean and healthy instead of growing fat and, maybe, sick together:

• Eating: We strive to improve eating by learning about cooking and shopping for nutritious foods.  We share the responsibility of grocery shopping, maintaining a grocery list, and shopping often enough to have good choices around.  We look for fast, easy ways to make nutritious meals.  Each specializes in dishes that contribute to the household.  My husband makes the hummus and salads.  I make pasta sauce, bread, and health cookies.
• Exercise:  We take a daily one-hour walk and make sure we leave time for it in our busy schedules.  This is when we talk about our day and future plans.  It’s a great way to have quality relationship time.  In addition, we each have individual exercise time.  He has a particular muscle strengthening routine and I have mine.  And we support and praise each other’s efforts.
• Leisure: We like to watch some TV programs but often use TV time to do catch up on other activities.  Commercials are good times to get clothes washed, dried, and folded, for example, and stretching can be done while watching a program. Sure, we sometimes just “veg out” but it’s not most of the time.
• Hobbies-I’ve been a gardener for years and now my husband has discovered the joys of gardening.  We split responsibilities in the yard and take walks through the garden to view our handy-work. Gardening is active but provides a lot of relaxation at the same time.
• Vacations –We prefer trips to places where we can hike and locations where we can walk a lot rather than ones where the focus is on eating.   Even airport time can be made more active by taking a walk around the airport together (or separately while one watches the luggage) instead sitting for hours at the gates.

You and your spouse don’t have to do things exactly as we do, but if you start with realizing that it’s up to you to make the initial decision and follow it with creativity, you won’t be one of the statistics.  And what if your spouse won’t join you down the road to health?  Well, don’t let that stop you.  Do it anyway.  Your spouse may join you later when he or she sees what it’s doing for you.

People being treated for eating disorders and other eating related problems often believe that they’re more dysfunctional than they actually are.  Invariably, I find myself showing patients that many of the behaviors they think are unique and “weird” about themselves are experienced by people they consider “normal eaters.”

Most articles discussing the differences between thin and overweight people focus on the things that thin people do better than overweight people, but what do these thinner people have in common with those that have problems with their eating and weight?

Here are some of the most common misperceptions my patients have about normal eaters:

• They never overeat – The truth is that most people sometimes overeat – it’s normal.  Those people who consider their health and fitness a priority, however, do pay attention to when they have overeaten, try to make subsequent meals more balanced, and try to increase activity.
• They don’t have sweet cravings – Sweet tastes are particularly pleasurable to humans and most people have sweet cravings from time to time.  The normal eater will not panic or get anxious when they get a sweet craving.  In fact, they will readily admit they’re having one since they see no shame in it.  Then they will satisfy it as soon as possible by asking themselves what it is that they want, getting what they want instead of some dissatisfying substitute, and proceed to savor every bite.  Because of how they treat their sweet cravings, however, most of the time they’re able to feel satisfied with a normal portion.
• They have healthy diets – The truth is that just because someone does not appear overweight doesn’t mean that they eat healthily.  In fact, some overweight people eat better than some thinner people.
• They exercise – Unfortunately, most people do not exercise regularly regardless of whether or not they have eating problems.  Sedentary lifestyles are pervasive in our society.
• They eat only when they’re hungry – Although people who don’t have eating and weight problems usually don’t eat when they aren’t hungry, people do sometimes eat when they’re not hungry.  If this were not the case, we wouldn’t have desserts.  Desserts are eaten after a meal – when people are no longer hungry.  Eating when we’re not hungry too frequently can certainly lead to health problems but everyone sometimes eats when they’re not hungry.
• They never gain weight or watch their weight –The truth is that people who are successful managing their weight experience weight fluctuations, too.  It’s normal.  Most people who don’t have eating problems have a weight range that their body goes through as they live out their lives.  However, most of these people don’t focus excessively on it.  They understand that the pattern is normal for them. Typically, the weight shift can be easily attributed to some temporary change in lifestyle (i.e. eating out more or less often, eating or moving more while on vacation, or not having engaged in the usual exercise program). Invariably, the person gets back to their regular lifestyle shifting the weight back to its usual place.  For others, they calmly note the change, its cause, and then consciously set about correcting the behavior that has caused any weight gain by getting back to their healthy lifestyle.
• They never lose control of eating – Although this is generally true, most people have experienced times where they’ve felt out of control with their eating after being ravenously hungry.  Interestingly, a normal eating person might refer to this as simply “pigging out.”  The emotional roller coaster that the binger puts themselves through when they lose control is what makes it a binge.  Feeling a loss of control with eating isn’t seen as a character flaw by the normal eater.  It’s just a function of not having eaten properly to begin with.  In this case, avoiding intense hunger helps prevent the problem in the future.

Understanding that “normal” eaters aren’t perfect eaters can be a relief to those with food and weight problems.  It helps them resolve their eating issues sooner when they know they’re not so different after all.  In fact, the best known professionals in the weight and fitness field don’t do things perfectly themselves.  It may look like they do and they may even suggest that they do, but they don’t.

“Normal” eaters that are mindful of their health pay attention to the behaviors that can take them in the wrong direction with their health and weight.  They do it with a relaxed mind, however.  They use “concern” rather than “self-punishment” and strive for “improvement” rather than “perfection”.  A good average is all that’s necessary.  Expecting that your behaviors be perfect and thinking that you’re different from others because of your imperfections only leads to low self-esteem, frustration, and giving up on achieving health and fitness.  So let’s all strive for good health while accepting our imperfections.  After all, they’re normal.

Do you know a diet book junkie?  That’s a person who seems always to read
the latest diet books while making no apparent changes with respect to
weight, activity, eating, or other behaviors.
They seem to get a kind of high from espousing the wonders of their latest
discovery — “Well, in Dr. Skinny’s book, How to Get Thin and Rich in 24
Hours, it says drinking eight glasses of water before lunch doubles fat
burning!”
Maybe this sounds like you.  You get excited every time you buy a new diet
book, believing that its contents are going to somehow change your weight
and your life.  You remain excited throughout the book – each page seems to
make so much sense!  It’s so exhilarating, you can’t put it down. Some of
these books even have beautiful color pictures of healthful recipes that
you know will be great to eat and definitely produce the weight loss you’ve
been hoping for.
But eventually you get to the end of the book.  What now?
“Hey, I heard there’s a new Rocky Mountain Oysters Diet book out!” That’s
the ticket, you think – another diet book.  But, is it?
Not all books about weight loss have useful and accurate information. Some
are based on ineffective fad diets and gimmicks.  Even if the book is full
of sensible and effective methods, however, that doesn’t mean it will help
you. Only you can do that.
Lifestyle changes aren’t magically absorbed simply by reading a book. And
if, like a diet book junkie, you jump from book to book, expecting magic to
strike, it’s no wonder that your eating and weight problems don’t change.
Ineffective methods never work, but effective methods only work when you
use them.  The books are simply tools; and like a hammer or screwdriver,
they won’t fix anything if all you do is look at them.
Here are some suggestions on how to kick the diet book habit and get more
positive change in your life with respect to health and weight management:
1.      Become more selective about what you read. This means becoming a
better consumer of dieting information. If a weight loss book doesn’t
promise amazingly fast weight loss, doesn’t suggest you have to buy certain
products endorsed by the author, makes good logical sense, and teaches a
program that you can follow for the rest of your life, it’s a good place to
start. Skip those that are based on fads, prescribe a rigid diet plan,
instruct you to avoid the foods you like most, and say you don’t need to
exercise.
2.      Take your time savoring what you read. Stop and think, make notes,
highlight key points, and consider how the book’s suggestions can be
incorporated into your life.
3.      Don’t jump to another book immediately. Finish the book you’re
reading, and put it into practice.  Go back through the book focusing on
what you’ve highlighted and the notes you’ve made.  Follow through with the
suggestions that you would like to incorporate into your life.
4.      Continue using what works for you, and set aside whatever doesn’t fit
your life. If you feel you need more information, the next step may be
another book but, then again, it may not.  It may be trying a class,
searching for health information online, joining a group that does
something active (like hiking), or seeing a therapist for emotional issues
that have been too difficult to solve on your own.
Reading is generally a good habit to have.  However, if you’re reading a
book with the intent of having it help you change something in your life
you have to go beyond just reading it.  You have to use it.
Kick the diet book habit in favor of taking constructive action, and you’ll
notice real changes starting to happen.  Your library of diet books may
stop growing, but who cares?  Your body and mind will be getting fitter.
Isn’t that what you wanted in the first place?

Starting an exercise program — and sticking with it — is all about knowing yourself.
Especially with beach season upon us, plenty of people are thinking about picking up yet another shape-up routine.
Others don’t need to start exercising, because they’ve never stopped moving, but you probably don’t hear from them so much. Why? They consider their exercise routine as daily hygiene, almost like you would brush your teeth or take a shower. Sure, they might miss a session every now and then. They are not perfect, but they’re not trying to be perfect either.  They’re focusing on a good average, not a perfect score.
Plus, consistent exercisers aren’t all about the short-term goal. They intend to be active today, tomorrow, and forever.
Who are they? Maybe the lone runner or walker you seem to pass every day. Or the person who’s at the gym whenever you are there, too. Or maybe it’s the tennis player you regularly see at your neighborhood courts.
What do these people have that others don’t?  Nothing that anyone can’t acquire. Here are few ideas to help you to adopt — permanently — the attitudes and behaviors of consistent exercisers:
• Choose activities you like. Recognize that you can change your mind whenever you like.  You can do the same thing every day until you’re tired of it, or you can do something different every day of the week. It’s up to you. Just keep moving. Understand that over a lifetime, you’ll go through changes that will require you to switch things up. Maybe you suffer an injury, you get ill, or you’re just tired of the same old same old. Be ready to roll with what life brings you.
• Train your brain to think realistically. There’s no room for perfectionistic thinking if your goal is to be active, long-term.  Strive for a good average rather than a perfect score.  For example, your average improves when you decide to do part of your workout if you’re strapped for time instead of skipping exercise altogether.
• Develop the art of not giving up.  Imagine yourself staying active throughout your life.   Knowing that life has its challenges, you can decide that you will always work at figuring out any problems rather than giving up.  Keep the mind flexible and it will be a good problem solver.
• Provide incentives that make sense.  A lifetime of healthful exercise requires both short- and long-term goals, not short-term goals alone.  Starting to exercise in order to train for a race is good, but if that’s your only goal, it’s more likely there won’t be an incentive strong enough to keep you moving after the race.  Try a meaningful long-term goal such as, “I want to stay active so that I can stay independent in my older years.’’ Then add to that many short-term goals, such as “I want to learn to dance salsa,” “I want to run a 10K,” or “I want to increase my walking pace.’’ The combination of long and short-term goals keeps the brain focused on wanting to move.
• Don’t make losing weight the primary goal. This is the most common reason people use for starting an exercise program but it just doesn’t work long-term. Include weight management on your list of reasons to exercise but don’t put it at the top of the list. Put health and happiness at the top of your list.  Perhaps daily exercise helps you reduce your stress level or helps control your diabetes.  It may keep you limber so that you can continue your passion to garden into your old age. These kinds of priorities are far more likely to keep you moving.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

It’s so frustrating to go on a diet and lose weight, only to regain it.
Frustrating, but common — studies show 90 percent of dieting attempts fail.
What can we do to improve our chances?
Despite overwhelming evidence that most diets fail, ever more people are
vulnerable to quick weight loss promises that won’t work in the long run.
Most of these people have histories of going on and off diets, over and
over again.
Diets may be one of the few things that intelligent people will keep trying
even after repeated failures.
What do the lucky 10 percent know about losing weight and keeping it off?
The problem is that people usually confuse weight loss with fat loss.
Actually, the faster the weight is lost, the more likely it is that the
weight lost is water or muscle, not fat. A lot of research has been done
showing that fad diets show particularly dismal results.
But it’s fat that people want to lose and they want to lose it for good —
not to gain it all back and have to start dieting all over again.
So don’t just go on yet another diet. First, stop and think.

•••

If you have a long history of on-and-off dieting it’s time to face the fact
that what you’ve been doing doesn’t work.
Maybe you’ve tried a bunch of diets with different names, like the Low Carb
Diet, the Blood Type Diet, the Grapefruit Diet. But consider what was
similar about them. Did they eliminate particular foods completely? Did
they emphasize fast weight loss? Did they not include exercise?
If you are a first time dieter, learn through the experience of others
rather than following them down the road of fad diets that don’t yield
lasting results.
Preparing yourself psychologically in this way will keep you on the right
track to successful weight loss and maintenance, not just this summer but
every summer from here on out.

•••

If you want this next weight loss attempt to be your final effort because
it actually worked, try these tips:
1. Focus on the behaviors (portion control, increased activity, better
nutrition) that help you lose fat, rather than achieving a weight goal
number.
2. Make sure that you include consistent aerobic exercise in your plan.
3. Don’t set a time limit for your goal. Instead, keep your mind focused on
the forest (the rest of your life) instead of the trees (an upcoming
wedding or bathing suit season).
4. Don’t go on a rigid, stringent, fad diet of any kind. If it sounds
depriving, you need to consider something else.
5. Make sure that the eating and exercise plan you go on is one that you
can follow for the rest of your life. For example, are you really going to
be able to keep buying expensive food through the mail?
6.      Your body has genetic limits. You don’t know if your body will be
able to reach the ultimate weight goal you have in mind. Instead, keep
doing what will make you leaner and healthier and let your body take care
of the weight. It will show you what its best weight is.
7.      Take time to keep your fridge stocked with easy to prepare,
nutritious alternatives.  Get rid of those foods that don’t fit a healthy
lifestyle and fill the fridge with luscious, colorful, fresh foods.  It may
require a stop at the grocery store more often but fresh food actually
requires less cooking — or even no cooking — which saves time in the end.
8. Reinforce, compliment, and pat yourself on the back often.  Stop the
criticism and judgment altogether.  The psychology of weight management is
a key factor that is usually ignored.  If you don’t do the right things
emotionally, psychological barriers will continue to get in your way.
You don’t want to put all that effort into losing weight only to regain it
and more. Let’s do it differently this time.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

Should you weigh yourself every day? Should it be once per week? Or never
at all?
The advice about weighing can be as confusing and conflicting as the advice
about eating eggs or drinking wine.
Some experts say that weighing should be kept to a minimum so that we don’t
get obsessed; others say more frequent weighing is the best way to stay
honest with yourself. Who is right? How often should we weigh to improve
our chances of managing weight for life?
Most dieters believe that the more often they weigh, the more motivated
they’ll be to lose weight. The typical dieter weighs every day. But, when
weight is our primary focus, there’s less attention paid to the behaviors
that result in weight loss. With too much focus on the scale, it’s easy to
feel defeated if the weight doesn’t come off as expected. This is when
dieters start avoiding weighing-in or go off their diets.
If you use the scale to determine if you are a success or a faiure, then
weighing-in, no matter how frequent, will be a problem. Weighing-in is only
as an opportunity to get information, and it’s not the most important
information to achieve weight goals.
It’s possible to use a household scale in productive ways.  But you need to
understand the basics of the information it provides.  The scale registers
your total weight at the moment you step on it (assuming the scale is
accurate). If the scale indicates you’ve lost weight, there’s no way of
knowing how much of the lost weight is fat, water, muscle or waste. If the
scale indicates that you’ve gained weight, it still doesn’t tell you
exactly what was gained.
Weight can vary from one day to another or at different times of the day,
even if you’re not trying to lose weight. So you need to view the scale
realistically and not give it more importance than it deserves.
There are several factors that determine the best weighing method for each
individual.
• Attitude. Your mind isn’t going to want to do anything that’s
uncomfortable, so if weighing-in involves being judged or punished in any
way, the brain will resist. And that’s exactly what weighing-in has come to
mean for most people — a time to judge or measure worth. It’s important to
approach the scale unemotionally. Weighing-in should not be a test; it is
simply a tool that you may choose to use.
• Expectations. Remember that your body and brain are the experts about
your physiology. They know exactly how fast or slowly you are able to lose
fat based on the food and exercise you are providing. Rather than getting
frustrated or angry at the number reflected on the scale, use that number
to help you figure out if your behaviors need to change.
• Goals. Your focus should be more on behaviors than a number on the scale.
Goals dealing with your activity level, nutrition and food selection,
portion control  and priorities will influence fat loss far more than any
number you’ve chosen to focus on.
• Lifestyle. If you’re going to focus on numbers at all, it makes more
sense to think of a weight range, or better yet, think of the lifestyle you
wish to have on a long-term basis. Let’s say my lifestyle includes walking
every day for an hour, taking a 10-minute nap every day, having a full-time
office job, watching TV for an hour each day, dining out several times a
week and playing tennis once per week. I would then focus on achieving that
lifestyle and let my body tell me what weight it can maintain with that
lifestyle. If I want to weigh less, I might have to forego some restaurant
meals, or increase the tennis. But maybe I’ll decide I’d rather weigh more
and keep my lifestyle just as it is. The scale can help you correlate
habits and weight so you can make choices.
How often should you weigh yourself? It all depends on your attitude toward
the scale. Once it is based on reality, you can choose to weigh yourself
just as often as is helpful to achieving your weight loss goals.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

It’s good to learn from our mistakes.  The more we pay attention to what
we’ve done wrong in the past the more successful we’ll be in the future.
This is certainly true when it comes to weight loss and fitness.  And, for
some reason, when it comes to dealing with weight, many people put their
blinders on and don’t look back to see what they’ve done wrong. This only
leads to a seemingly endless cycle of failures.  It’s no wonder most
dieters are frustrated, anxious, and often hungry.
I believe people ought to try to become better consumers of dieting
information just as they try to be careful when it comes to buying
electronics, baby car seats or hair straighteners.  In 2011, wouldn’t it be
nice to stop being frustrated and confused by all the weight loss diets and
products that are thrown at you daily?
With this in mind, I have put together a list of the Top 10 dieting
mistakes I see people make over and over again. If you notice that any of
them apply to you, try to focus on correcting these barriers to your
fitness, and see what kind of progress you can make.
1.      Looking for quick fixes through fad diets. The mind tends to resist
when it feels deprived, and the result is loss of control over food.  The
body needs the right nutrition to function well, and without it,
fat-burning can slow down so that you hang on to fat instead of releasing
it. Quick test: If you can’t picture yourself following the plan for a
lifetime, don’t bother for even a few weeks.
2.      No regular exercise. The people who are most successful with weight
and fitness tend to be active on a regular basis, yet most dieters don’t
take advantage of this wonderful tool.
3.      Undereating. The body has a wonderful ability to slow down its
metabolism when it’s not getting enough fuel to function.  Undereating
means losing fat more slowly, and when normal eating resumes, putting it
back on faster.
4.      Skipping meals. Going without food for too long can result in
overeating due to ravenous hunger and a slower metabolism.  Consider
smaller portions, four or five times a day.
5.      Drinking too many calories and not drinking enough water. Liquid
calories count just as much as the solid variety, only they don’t satisfy
you. On the other hand, not drinking enough water can lead to thirst that
can be confused for hunger.  But being hydrated helps the body perform all
its tasks more efficiently — including fat burning.
6.      Getting too hungry. If you want to control your food intake properly,
a good trick is to not allow hunger to go beyond a “3” on a scale from 0 to
5 (0=no hunger, 5=ravenous).
7.      Eating late at night. At night our body starts to slow down,
readying itself for sleep. Metabolism slows and any calories eaten are more
likely to be stored as fat.  Try to eat your last meal by 6 p.m.  If you
get hungry later it probably means you didn’t eat enough during the day.
Pay attention to hunger at night by eating a light snack but then focus on
eating properly the next day to avoid late night hunger.
8.      Not eating breakfast. After many hours without food the body is
ready to be fed and start burning.  Not eating breakfast keeps metabolism
low, which is why numerous studies show the most successful dieters don’t
skip this meal.  If you think you can’t eat in the morning, start with
small quantities and slowly increase your intake until you are eating an
adequate amount.
9.      Over-focusing on weight and food. This kind of preoccupation with
food can increase cravings to eat. So put the focus where it counts – on
the behaviors of increasing quality of eating and activity level.
10.     Thinking negatively. Judging yourself harshly is self-defeating. Not
only does it affect motivation, but it increases stress levels, leading to
overeating. Instead, pat yourself on the back for every small step forward.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times