Do people tend to gain weight after they “settle down” with a romantic partner?  This is a question that interests some researchers.  While there are still questions to be answered about this issue, a number of studies have found that obesity appears to be associated with romantic couples living together (married or not) and that there is a stronger association the longer the couple has lived together.

A study done in 2009 suggested that this relationship has less to do with having traits in common and more to do with environment.  The researchers found that living with a romantic partner for two or more years was correlated with obesity and sedentary behavior.

I don’t think this is terribly surprising to most people.  However, studies that find relationships like these don’t mean that weight gain and obesity are an inevitable part of living with the one you love.  It does mean that if you don’t want to be one of the statistics, you have to put some serious thought and work into the matter.

Creating a lifestyle of activity, nutritious eating, health, and weight management as a couple isn’t easy within our fast-paced, sedentary, and fast food-laden culture but, if it’s important to you, it’s, without a doubt, possible.

That’s exactly what my husband and I did when we got married and started a home-life together. We’ve lived together 13 years.  We have jobs that require a considerable amount of sitting – much like many other Americans.  These jobs, added to the other characteristics of the typical American lifestyle (such as amount of time required to drive to destinations, household time-saving devices like washers and dryers, and sedentary leisure activities such as television and the internet) would definitely get in the way of our health and fitness if we didn’t make sure that they didn’t.

Oftentimes, we hear ourselves say that we don’t have time to take better care of ourselves or that we have too many responsibilities to have the time to be fit.  When it comes to health and fitness, however, few people HAVE the time.  It must be important enough for us to make it a priority – important enough to make us WANT to MAKE the time.  Sure it will take some creativity and habit changing.  And maybe other people might not like our decision.  But, the time won’t magically appear and wishing won’t make it happen either.

Once you’ve made that decision, however, you can have a wonderful adventure together and, not only will you get leaner and healthier, but your relationship can be enhanced by it, also.

Here are some things that my hubby and I do to keep ourselves lean and healthy instead of growing fat and, maybe, sick together:

• Eating: We strive to improve eating by learning about cooking and shopping for nutritious foods.  We share the responsibility of grocery shopping, maintaining a grocery list, and shopping often enough to have good choices around.  We look for fast, easy ways to make nutritious meals.  Each specializes in dishes that contribute to the household.  My husband makes the hummus and salads.  I make pasta sauce, bread, and health cookies.
• Exercise:  We take a daily one-hour walk and make sure we leave time for it in our busy schedules.  This is when we talk about our day and future plans.  It’s a great way to have quality relationship time.  In addition, we each have individual exercise time.  He has a particular muscle strengthening routine and I have mine.  And we support and praise each other’s efforts.
• Leisure: We like to watch some TV programs but often use TV time to do catch up on other activities.  Commercials are good times to get clothes washed, dried, and folded, for example, and stretching can be done while watching a program. Sure, we sometimes just “veg out” but it’s not most of the time.
• Hobbies-I’ve been a gardener for years and now my husband has discovered the joys of gardening.  We split responsibilities in the yard and take walks through the garden to view our handy-work. Gardening is active but provides a lot of relaxation at the same time.
• Vacations –We prefer trips to places where we can hike and locations where we can walk a lot rather than ones where the focus is on eating.   Even airport time can be made more active by taking a walk around the airport together (or separately while one watches the luggage) instead sitting for hours at the gates.

You and your spouse don’t have to do things exactly as we do, but if you start with realizing that it’s up to you to make the initial decision and follow it with creativity, you won’t be one of the statistics.  And what if your spouse won’t join you down the road to health?  Well, don’t let that stop you.  Do it anyway.  Your spouse may join you later when he or she sees what it’s doing for you.

People being treated for eating disorders and other eating related problems often believe that they’re more dysfunctional than they actually are.  Invariably, I find myself showing patients that many of the behaviors they think are unique and “weird” about themselves are experienced by people they consider “normal eaters.”

Most articles discussing the differences between thin and overweight people focus on the things that thin people do better than overweight people, but what do these thinner people have in common with those that have problems with their eating and weight?

Here are some of the most common misperceptions my patients have about normal eaters:

• They never overeat – The truth is that most people sometimes overeat – it’s normal.  Those people who consider their health and fitness a priority, however, do pay attention to when they have overeaten, try to make subsequent meals more balanced, and try to increase activity.
• They don’t have sweet cravings – Sweet tastes are particularly pleasurable to humans and most people have sweet cravings from time to time.  The normal eater will not panic or get anxious when they get a sweet craving.  In fact, they will readily admit they’re having one since they see no shame in it.  Then they will satisfy it as soon as possible by asking themselves what it is that they want, getting what they want instead of some dissatisfying substitute, and proceed to savor every bite.  Because of how they treat their sweet cravings, however, most of the time they’re able to feel satisfied with a normal portion.
• They have healthy diets – The truth is that just because someone does not appear overweight doesn’t mean that they eat healthily.  In fact, some overweight people eat better than some thinner people.
• They exercise – Unfortunately, most people do not exercise regularly regardless of whether or not they have eating problems.  Sedentary lifestyles are pervasive in our society.
• They eat only when they’re hungry – Although people who don’t have eating and weight problems usually don’t eat when they aren’t hungry, people do sometimes eat when they’re not hungry.  If this were not the case, we wouldn’t have desserts.  Desserts are eaten after a meal – when people are no longer hungry.  Eating when we’re not hungry too frequently can certainly lead to health problems but everyone sometimes eats when they’re not hungry.
• They never gain weight or watch their weight –The truth is that people who are successful managing their weight experience weight fluctuations, too.  It’s normal.  Most people who don’t have eating problems have a weight range that their body goes through as they live out their lives.  However, most of these people don’t focus excessively on it.  They understand that the pattern is normal for them. Typically, the weight shift can be easily attributed to some temporary change in lifestyle (i.e. eating out more or less often, eating or moving more while on vacation, or not having engaged in the usual exercise program). Invariably, the person gets back to their regular lifestyle shifting the weight back to its usual place.  For others, they calmly note the change, its cause, and then consciously set about correcting the behavior that has caused any weight gain by getting back to their healthy lifestyle.
• They never lose control of eating – Although this is generally true, most people have experienced times where they’ve felt out of control with their eating after being ravenously hungry.  Interestingly, a normal eating person might refer to this as simply “pigging out.”  The emotional roller coaster that the binger puts themselves through when they lose control is what makes it a binge.  Feeling a loss of control with eating isn’t seen as a character flaw by the normal eater.  It’s just a function of not having eaten properly to begin with.  In this case, avoiding intense hunger helps prevent the problem in the future.

Understanding that “normal” eaters aren’t perfect eaters can be a relief to those with food and weight problems.  It helps them resolve their eating issues sooner when they know they’re not so different after all.  In fact, the best known professionals in the weight and fitness field don’t do things perfectly themselves.  It may look like they do and they may even suggest that they do, but they don’t.

“Normal” eaters that are mindful of their health pay attention to the behaviors that can take them in the wrong direction with their health and weight.  They do it with a relaxed mind, however.  They use “concern” rather than “self-punishment” and strive for “improvement” rather than “perfection”.  A good average is all that’s necessary.  Expecting that your behaviors be perfect and thinking that you’re different from others because of your imperfections only leads to low self-esteem, frustration, and giving up on achieving health and fitness.  So let’s all strive for good health while accepting our imperfections.  After all, they’re normal.

People usually think it’s their fault they haven’t been able to stick to a diet. However, it’s not a lack of willpower. It has more to do with the brain.

It’s a well-known fact that 90% of dieting attempts fail. Considering that over 60% of Americans are overweight or obese (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) and that we have a huge dieting industry giving Americans a myriad of choices from which diets to choose, it’s apparent that people are attempting to diet but failing at it. This doesn’t make much sense, does it?

It does make sense if we consider how the human brain thinks compared to how most diets are designed. It’s the key to why diets fail.

Why Most Diets Fail

• Most diets are rigid, stipulating black and white rules of what you can and can’t eat.
• Most diets eliminate some foods completely (usually our favorite foods).
• Most diets give unrealistic expectations (such as impossible weight loss expectations or suggesting one will achieve some sort of perfect body)
• Most diets don’t put enough focus on exercise which is the most fat-burning behavior one can engage in.
• Most diets cannot be easily followed for a lifetime.

How the Brain Works

The brain doesn’t like rigidity especially when it comes to what we eat. It does like a flexible plan of eating which says things like, “I want to strive to gradually reduce my portions,” rather than, “I have to stick to my diet perfectly. I can’t eat anything that’s not on my diet.”

The brain responds better to small steps and feels overwhelmed by large goals. It’s easier to think about losing five pounds than a hundred pounds, for example. It will want to resist a plan that says it has to run three miles daily when one hasn’t been exercising at all, rather than one that asks that we go out and just walk a few minutes and gradually increase the distance.

The brain will also tend to resist the thought of not being able to have its favorite foods at all instead of incorporating favorites into the plan.

The Brain Can Be a Friend to Your Weight Loss Goals

Most diets are designed so contrary to how the brain thinks that it will resist attempts to stay on the diet. That is why staying on a diet gets harder the longer one is on it. Sooner or later the dieter quits, thinking the failure was his or her fault rather than the fault of the diet itself.

Instead, if the “diet” or, better said, “the weight loss life plan” is set up to be flexible, positive, realistic, can easily be followed for the rest of ones life, and includes all liked foods, our brain will be our friend rather than resist our efforts. Understanding why diets fail is the first step to success with weight loss.

It’s human nature to want to have fun. Fun is pleasurable and pleasure is motivating. • When we have fun at something, we want to do it again. And we don’t even need any other incentives like money or awards. Just plain fun is enough on its own. • Adults like to see children enjoying themselves. We know that it’s important for children to have play time. But we tend not to realize that you never outgrow the need for fun.

The Child in Us

There is a child in all of us that is always ready to be energized by play. No doubt, it would be a dull world without fun.

But for some reason, many adults think they should buckle down and be serious, even though the adult brain still resists things that seem like a chore and seeks things that feel good. The more fun, enjoyable or positive we imagine something to be, the more likely that we will do it.

Of course, sometimes we have to keep this inner child in check, but that doesn’t mean the child in us can’t be involved in the serious things in our lives, making them easier to do.

The Theory of Fun

The people at www.thefuntheory.com are “dedicated to the thought that something as simple as fun is the easiest way to change people’s behavior for the better.” The Web site showcases creative ideas that demonstrate how fun can motivate us. For example, when confronted with a staircase and an escalator, most people will take the path of least resistance — the escalator. However, when a staircase is made to look and function like a piano keyboard, most people will take the stairs, enjoying music as they ascend. Making going up the stairs more fun than taking the escalator can make people want to exert more effort.

The same can be true of behaviors needed to lose weight: eating well and exercising. One of the psychological reasons people quit weight-loss programs is because they perceive the behaviors to require more effort and to be less enjoyable than what they normally do. Losing weight is not usually equated with fun.

Fun losing Weight

When we can only view diet and exercise as things that we must, should or ought to do, why would we ever expect ourselves to succeed?

But if losing weight is fun, the story changes. Observing people who have lost weight and kept it off shows two things:

• They have continued the behaviors that effectively burn fat: eating well and exercising.

• They perceive these behaviors in a positive rather than burdensome way. They look at the process of finding ways to eat nutritiously and being active as fun and interesting.

Turn a burden to fun

Making weight loss and fitness more fun can be accomplished with these simple steps.

• Do what’s fun for you. For example, if you want to exercise regularly and you like to dance, use dancing as your exercise and use it often. Forget about what others do for exercise. Dance to your heart’s content and don’t think about anything else. Just have fun with it.

• Make a list of things you enjoy. Use the list to reward yourself for your accomplishments with weight loss and fitness. Examples might include hobbies, recreational activities or watching a favorite show.

• Adopt an eating plan with foods you enjoy. If you love fruit and bread, why beat yourself up by following the Atkins Diet? You want a plan you can follow forever, so you may as well learn to enjoy what you like in moderation. Let yourself have an occasional “fun” meal with anything you like, then resume your healthy habits, guilt-free.

• Adopt a “here and now” philosophy. Kids play in the present. They are not thinking about the past or future when they play. They focus only on enjoying what they are doing while they are doing it. Notice your surroundings (like the plants and birds while you’re walking) and the activity at hand (like the vibrant colors in a nutritious meal you’re cooking) will prevent what you’re doing from becoming burdensome.

• Keep goals small. Even if the ultimate goal is a large one, such as running a marathon or losing 100 pounds, breaking the larger goal into many small ones makes your efforts simpler and more enjoyable. And it helps keep you focused on the present, rather than worrying about the future.

• Have more fun in general. Try to catch yourself when you’re getting too serious about something and tell yourself, “Lighten up. Be playful. Have fun.” The more fun you have, the more active you will be, and the more energy you will burn — adding to success with weight loss.

Losing weight and exercising don’t have to be a chore. Long-term success is not about white-knuckled discipline; it’s about making the behaviors that lead to weight loss enjoyable. What’s more enjoyable and motivating than having fun?

This article was previously published in the St. Petersburg Times newspaper on March 27, 2010

Obesity is officially an epidemic in the United States.  Today I viewed a webcast from Washington, D.C. about the obesity epidemic.  It looks like in the near future we will be experiencing many cultural changes in order to help rid our country of this dangerous and costly epidemic.  Some of these changes may include banning transfats from restaurants, taxing unhealthy foods such as sodas, making healthy foods more available to the public and making healthy foods cheaper than unhealthy foods.

None of this would be necessary, however,  if our lifestyles had not changed so drastically in the past 30 or more years.  Today the average American is 23 pounds overweight.  Americans are more dependent on their cars to do even the simplest chore outside of their houses.  People have become more dependent on other people and machines to do things for them that people used to do themselves such as housecleaning and car washing.  Preferred pastimes, hobbies and recreation have become more sedentary activities.

It’s only been 38 years since I was in high school.  Due to an upcoming reunion I was looking through old pictures of my classmates and noticed something interesting.  No one in my school was obese and I was hard pressed to find someone that would be considered overweight.

I’ve done many unscientific studies of the percentage of overweight people I find while going about my daily life  such as waiting in line for something.  In every instance in the past few years the majority of people I encounter are overweight or obese.  This is a drastic difference from when I was in high school.

What was different about my generation at high school age?  For one thing we were outside more than we were inside if we weren’t in school.  We walked a great deal.  We had no computers or computer games.  In addition, we had less fattening foods available to us.  It’s easy to manage weight with an environment like this.  We wouldn’t even need gyms and formal exercise anymore as life itself would take care of things.

What Can You Do About the Obesity Epidemic?

The government is going to institute changes in our society in order to combat the obesity epidemic but everyone can do something to start the ball rolling in their own lives.  Here are some tips for doing just that:

• Do chores around the house yourself.
• Walk as much as  possible.  Be creative.  You can probably walk to more places than you thought.
• Take the longest route when using foot power.
• Use a bike instead of the car whenever possible.
• If buying a house, buy a house with stairs if you’re able.
• Have more active get-togethers.
• Whenever possible, do it yourself.
• Wash your own car and do your own gardening.  It will take the same time that going to the gym will take, no more.
• Always choose the method that uses the most energy.
• Reduce consumption of processed foods.
• Shop primarily the outside aisle of grocery stores where the less processed foods are located.

These are just some suggestions.  With some thought and research many more can be discovered.  The government can help with the obesity epidemic but each individual has the most control over changing their lifestyle to one that is naturally fat burning.

“Fat Americans” – that’s how we’re referred to in other countries.  Look at the facts:  Americans keep getting fatter; no other country comes out with more diets, diet programs and dieting aids; and the dieting industry is making tons of money. Does this sound right? Who is benefiting here? It doesn’t seem to be the consumers. If diets work, why are Americans continuing to get fatter each year? Why are our children fatter than ever before?

Perhaps it’s time for consumers to get smarter about choosing what or who they are going to believe when it comes to how to get lean and fit. What we’ve been doing is just not working folks. What the dieting industry is selling isn’t working. It’s time to stop depending on the dieting industry to tell us what we should do since we aren’t getting what you want from them.

This is the reason I wrote my book, Mind Over Fat Matters: Conquering Psychological Barriers to Weight Management. I want people to be smarter consumers. Yes, I do want people to be healthy, lean and fit, but I also want them to learn what works and doesn’t work. The first step, however, is to face up and admit to yourself, and to the dieting industry, that if it hasn’t worked after so many years, you are going to have to let go of it. Let go of attempts that haven’t ever worked. It’s time to find another way – maybe it won’t sound like the panaceas the dieting industry has been selling, but maybe if it sounds like the panaceas that the dieting industry is selling, that’s the indication that it’s not going to work.  The “Fat American” needs to be a thing of the past.