The pursuit of thinness long has been a major preoccupation for American women. But why are women trying to be downright slender, as opposed to maintaining a healthy weight?  If it’s for the approval of men, then women seem to be putting themselves through needless worry and discomfort.

I work with a lot of women with body image issues so the question of what men find attractive and what women think men find attractive is of particular interest to me. Many women suffer a great deal believing that they’re not thin enough to be attractive to men.  But are their
expectations shaped by men?  Let’s take a look.

During decades of practice numerous women have told me how they try to avoid being seen naked by their husbands or boyfriends.  Other times I’ve heard women share that they believe they will never find a man to love them because they don’t have the “perfect” body they assume men seek.

Research investigating what body shape most men prefer has revealed some interesting things.  For example, it appears that:
•       Men find a greater range of female body shapes attractive than women do.
•       The body shape that men generally find attractive in women has a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7. That’s the ratio of a 28-inch waist and 40-inch hips, though the study found that size wasn’t as important as the balance. Men like curves. If you doubt it, consider actor Christina Hendricks, who stars in the television series Mad Men.  Today’s men find her shape incredibly attractive, even though the show is based on 1960’s standards. Interestingly, in a study with blind men, the same ratio was found to be most attractive to the males in the study.
•       The average American man is less bothered by a few extra pounds in a woman than her being what he considers “too thin.”

Apparently, American women consider the most beautiful female figure to be one that is thinner than average while American men prefer a more rounded shape.  Could this be why fashion models are so thin?

So, who are women wanting to please?  Is it men or other women?  Do they even know?  If it’s men, they seem to be missing the mark.  If it’s women, why would that be? What would pleasing other women with respect to body size accomplish? If it’s other women that American women wish to please, why is it worth going through such pain?  These are questions each woman ought to ask herself.

There are men out there who are already attracted to women who themselves are convinced that they aren’t at all attractive. Perhaps these women could profit from looking at what they might be passing up, and reconsidering their distorted expectations.

Of course, there are men who expect their women to look a certain way at all times, and these women have my sympathy and my earnest hope that their husbands and boyfriends can get over themselves. Or that these women can find a better man.

If you’re feeling bold, try asking the men you know what they find attractive in women. I found an informal survey by MSN that indicated most men prefer women who are comfortable in their own skin to those who trowel on heavy makeup and are obsessed with whether their stomachs are flat.

While the best thing for all of us — both men and women — is to accept who we are and pursue having the healthiest and fittest body we are naturally capable of achieving, letting go of any mistaken ideas of what is attractive to the opposite sex is not a bad place to start.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

Starting an exercise program — and sticking with it — is all about knowing yourself.
Especially with beach season upon us, plenty of people are thinking about picking up yet another shape-up routine.
Others don’t need to start exercising, because they’ve never stopped moving, but you probably don’t hear from them so much. Why? They consider their exercise routine as daily hygiene, almost like you would brush your teeth or take a shower. Sure, they might miss a session every now and then. They are not perfect, but they’re not trying to be perfect either.  They’re focusing on a good average, not a perfect score.
Plus, consistent exercisers aren’t all about the short-term goal. They intend to be active today, tomorrow, and forever.
Who are they? Maybe the lone runner or walker you seem to pass every day. Or the person who’s at the gym whenever you are there, too. Or maybe it’s the tennis player you regularly see at your neighborhood courts.
What do these people have that others don’t?  Nothing that anyone can’t acquire. Here are few ideas to help you to adopt — permanently — the attitudes and behaviors of consistent exercisers:
• Choose activities you like. Recognize that you can change your mind whenever you like.  You can do the same thing every day until you’re tired of it, or you can do something different every day of the week. It’s up to you. Just keep moving. Understand that over a lifetime, you’ll go through changes that will require you to switch things up. Maybe you suffer an injury, you get ill, or you’re just tired of the same old same old. Be ready to roll with what life brings you.
• Train your brain to think realistically. There’s no room for perfectionistic thinking if your goal is to be active, long-term.  Strive for a good average rather than a perfect score.  For example, your average improves when you decide to do part of your workout if you’re strapped for time instead of skipping exercise altogether.
• Develop the art of not giving up.  Imagine yourself staying active throughout your life.   Knowing that life has its challenges, you can decide that you will always work at figuring out any problems rather than giving up.  Keep the mind flexible and it will be a good problem solver.
• Provide incentives that make sense.  A lifetime of healthful exercise requires both short- and long-term goals, not short-term goals alone.  Starting to exercise in order to train for a race is good, but if that’s your only goal, it’s more likely there won’t be an incentive strong enough to keep you moving after the race.  Try a meaningful long-term goal such as, “I want to stay active so that I can stay independent in my older years.’’ Then add to that many short-term goals, such as “I want to learn to dance salsa,” “I want to run a 10K,” or “I want to increase my walking pace.’’ The combination of long and short-term goals keeps the brain focused on wanting to move.
• Don’t make losing weight the primary goal. This is the most common reason people use for starting an exercise program but it just doesn’t work long-term. Include weight management on your list of reasons to exercise but don’t put it at the top of the list. Put health and happiness at the top of your list.  Perhaps daily exercise helps you reduce your stress level or helps control your diabetes.  It may keep you limber so that you can continue your passion to garden into your old age. These kinds of priorities are far more likely to keep you moving.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

It’s good to learn from our mistakes.  The more we pay attention to what
we’ve done wrong in the past the more successful we’ll be in the future.
This is certainly true when it comes to weight loss and fitness.  And, for
some reason, when it comes to dealing with weight, many people put their
blinders on and don’t look back to see what they’ve done wrong. This only
leads to a seemingly endless cycle of failures.  It’s no wonder most
dieters are frustrated, anxious, and often hungry.
I believe people ought to try to become better consumers of dieting
information just as they try to be careful when it comes to buying
electronics, baby car seats or hair straighteners.  In 2011, wouldn’t it be
nice to stop being frustrated and confused by all the weight loss diets and
products that are thrown at you daily?
With this in mind, I have put together a list of the Top 10 dieting
mistakes I see people make over and over again. If you notice that any of
them apply to you, try to focus on correcting these barriers to your
fitness, and see what kind of progress you can make.
1.      Looking for quick fixes through fad diets. The mind tends to resist
when it feels deprived, and the result is loss of control over food.  The
body needs the right nutrition to function well, and without it,
fat-burning can slow down so that you hang on to fat instead of releasing
it. Quick test: If you can’t picture yourself following the plan for a
lifetime, don’t bother for even a few weeks.
2.      No regular exercise. The people who are most successful with weight
and fitness tend to be active on a regular basis, yet most dieters don’t
take advantage of this wonderful tool.
3.      Undereating. The body has a wonderful ability to slow down its
metabolism when it’s not getting enough fuel to function.  Undereating
means losing fat more slowly, and when normal eating resumes, putting it
back on faster.
4.      Skipping meals. Going without food for too long can result in
overeating due to ravenous hunger and a slower metabolism.  Consider
smaller portions, four or five times a day.
5.      Drinking too many calories and not drinking enough water. Liquid
calories count just as much as the solid variety, only they don’t satisfy
you. On the other hand, not drinking enough water can lead to thirst that
can be confused for hunger.  But being hydrated helps the body perform all
its tasks more efficiently — including fat burning.
6.      Getting too hungry. If you want to control your food intake properly,
a good trick is to not allow hunger to go beyond a “3” on a scale from 0 to
5 (0=no hunger, 5=ravenous).
7.      Eating late at night. At night our body starts to slow down,
readying itself for sleep. Metabolism slows and any calories eaten are more
likely to be stored as fat.  Try to eat your last meal by 6 p.m.  If you
get hungry later it probably means you didn’t eat enough during the day.
Pay attention to hunger at night by eating a light snack but then focus on
eating properly the next day to avoid late night hunger.
8.      Not eating breakfast. After many hours without food the body is
ready to be fed and start burning.  Not eating breakfast keeps metabolism
low, which is why numerous studies show the most successful dieters don’t
skip this meal.  If you think you can’t eat in the morning, start with
small quantities and slowly increase your intake until you are eating an
adequate amount.
9.      Over-focusing on weight and food. This kind of preoccupation with
food can increase cravings to eat. So put the focus where it counts – on
the behaviors of increasing quality of eating and activity level.
10.     Thinking negatively. Judging yourself harshly is self-defeating. Not
only does it affect motivation, but it increases stress levels, leading to
overeating. Instead, pat yourself on the back for every small step forward.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

Most diets leave a person battling with hunger yet the most effective way to lose weight should not involve any struggle with hunger.

The body needs food to survive and one of the ways the body makes sure that it gets this fuel is through the feeling of hunger. For most people in developed countries, not having enough food is not a problem. Instead, people are more concerned with losing weight and controlling their eating. The body has a fine balance, however, and eating too little by ignoring hunger can lead to gaining weight rather than losing it. This is often what is behind the yo-yo pattern of weight loss and regaining typical of most dieters. Successful weight loss is not a matter of how little a person can eat, but how they balance their eating.

Not only does the body’s metabolism slow down if it’s not fed enough (leading to a body that stores fat readily and burns it more slowly), but ignoring hunger to the point of excess leads to out of control eating. Almost everyone has experienced the feeling of ravenous hunger at one time or another and its resulting feeding frenzy. A slower metabolism and overeating spell weight gain, not loss. Clearly, careful care of hunger is important in any plan for losing weight.

It can be frustrating to go on a diet and lose weight only to regain it. After all, 90% of dieting attempts fail. What can we do to improve our chances?

Despite being told that most diets fail, the public is still vulnerable to quick weight loss promises that won’t work in the long run. Most of these people have histories of going on and off diets, over and over again. It’s puzzling why they would try the same approaches that haven’t worked in the past. Perhaps it’s that little voice saying, “Maybe it will work this time.” “Maybe this diet will work.”

What do People Really Want in a Weight Loss Plan?

People want to lose weight, they want to lose weight fast, and they want to lose weight permanently. There are a million things that will cause weight loss. Any diet, fast, or exercise program where one burns more energy than one takes in, is going to result in weight loss. There are also many things that produce quick weight loss if you’re not talking just fat loss (such as water loss or muscle loss).

The problem is that people usually confuse fat loss with weight loss. Just because there is weight loss doesn’t mean that there is a loss of an equal amount of fat. Actually, the faster the weight is lost, the more likely it is that the weight lost is more water or muscle, than fat. But it’s fat that people want to lose and they want to lose it for good – not to gain it all back and have to start dieting all over again.

How Can One Avoid the Pitfalls of Dieting?

The first thing to do before embarking on a weight loss program is to be honest with yourself. If you are a person with a long history of on-and-off dieting it’s time to face the fact that the types of diets you’ve been on don’t work. Those diets weren’t different from each other just because they had different names (i.e. The Low Carb Diet, The Blood Type Diet, The Grapefruit Diet). Look at what was similar about them. For example, were they stringent diets, did they eliminate particular foods completely, did they not include exercise?

If you are a first time dieter, learn through the experience of others. To date, a lot of research has been done showing that most dieting attempts fail and that fad diets show particularly dismal results. Don’t go down the same road that many others have found to be the wrong road.

Want Your Efforts to Lose Weight to be Permanent?

Consider this Advice:

1. Focus on the behaviors (portion control, increased activity, better nutrition) that help you lose fat, rather than a weight goal number .
2. Make sure that you include consistent aerobic exercise in your plan.
3. Don’t set a time limit for your goal.
4. Don’t go on a rigid, stringent, fad diet of any kind.
5. Make sure that the eating and exercise plan you go on is one that you can follow for the rest of your life.
6. Your body has genetic limits. You don’t know if your body will be able to reach the ultimate goal you have in mind. Instead, keep doing what will make you leaner and healthier and let your body take care of the weight. It will show you how low it can go.

By following these steps, you will keep from falling into the yo-yo trap. You don’t want to put all that effort into losing weight only to regain it and more like most people who go on “diets.”

What are the Most Effective Cellulite Control Methods?

It’s a fact – there is no cure for cellulite. However, there are proven ways of cellulite control that are realistic and won’t break the bank.

Cellulite is nothing more than fat under the skin which tends to look like cottage cheese primarily on the thighs and butt. There is no other substance feared and hated more by women. The desire to get rid of it is so strong that women will go to great financial and risk-taking lengths to be free of it. Billions are spent on products and treatment methods promising to make it disappear. Some of these products sound logical and others are down-right silly, but none of these get rid of cellulite. That’s the sad truth.

Since there is so much money to be made from products promising to get rid of cellulite, Americans will continue to be bombarded by advertisements pushing ineffective products and treatments. It’s up to the consumer to educate herself and not be vulnerable to such scams. The good news, however, is that by becoming an educated consumer there will no longer be wasted time trying things that don’t work. The time will be spent using effective methods of controlling the appearance of cellulite.

If Cellulite is Just Fat Why Does It Look Lumpy in Some Places and Not in Others?

Areas of the body where more fat tends to be deposited and where skin is thinner are where the fat will take on the appearance of cottage cheese. That is why it tends to appear mainly on thighs, butt, and stomach.

There are several factors that influence whether you will get cellulite or not. They are:

• Gender-More women than men get cellulite.
• Genetics-It tends to run in families.
• Fat-The more fat on the body overall, the more likely cellulite will show.
• Skin Thickness-The thinner the skin the more cellulite will show. Women and certain ethnic groups, in general, have thinner skin than others and are more prone to showing cellulite.
• Age-The older you get the more likely that cellulite will appear. This has to do with changes in the thickness of the skin as we age.

What are Some Ineffective Products and Treatments for Cellulite?

The numbers of products that are sold as cellulite treatments are numerous but here are a few:

• Massage-the argument is that cellulite is caused by poor circulation and massage will improve circulation.
• Topical creams-meant to “dissolve” cellulite.
• Vitamins, minerals and herbs
• Body wraps
• Spa treatments

Some products may give a temporary appearance of improvement due to plumping of the skin rather than an actual decrease in cellulite.

Neither liposuction nor Smartlipo is approved by the FDA for getting rid of cellulite. Despite any advertising or anecdotal claims to the contrary, there is no good science demonstrating that these expensive procedures are effective with getting rid of cellulite. To date, most doctors (including plastic surgeons) still recommend getting fit as the most effective way to control cellulite.

What are the Most Effective Ways to Control Cellulite?

Get fit. Gradually reduce overall fat, increase muscle mass through strength training, drink plenty of water, and eat healthily. It’s an inexpensive method and it doesn’t waste your time. There’s no magical cure for cellulite but by doing what works, you’ll also achieve other health and appearance benefits.

The Psychological Approach to Dealing with Cellulite

• Accept that cellulite is just fat.
• Think about the factors such as age, gender, and heredity that may be involved in your problem with cellulite.
• Learn how to best lose overall fat and tone muscles so that you can reduce cellulite in a direct way.
• When you’ve done all you can do sensibly, move on with life. Keep working on getting fit and have fun. Don’t let cellulite get in your way.

© 2009 Lavinia Rodriguez

The Realities of Belly Fat and What can be Done About It

Many people buy into gimmicks for losing belly fat without understanding the basics of how belly fat can be eliminated.

Why is belly fat so difficult to get rid of? Can belly fat be spot-reduced? Can diet alone get rid of belly fat? Can abdominal exercises alone make fat around the belly go away? These are questions that are asked by millions wanting to be free of the unattractive fat around their middle. Belly fat can be gotten rid of but having a good understanding of what it is and how the body works can prevent a lot of frustration and failure when attempting to slim the gut.

What About All Those Products that Say They Eliminate Belly Fat?

One thing is abundantly clear. Products that claim to single out belly fat through a particular exercise or pill don’t work. An indication of this can be noted in the small print that recommends one go on a diet and general exercise program while being on the product. It’s the general exercise and diet that actually causes the fat loss. Unfortunately, people who continue ignoring their previous failures with these types of products and fool themselves into thinking that the next product will be the panacea, are wasting a lot of time when they could be doing what works even if it takes effort and time. It’s the tortoise and the hare story all over again. The tortoise always wins.

Is it True That I Can Get My Body to Spot Reduce Belly Fat?

There’s no such thing as spot reducing. The body burns fat all over and genetics has a lot to do with how an individual’s body burns fat. For some people it seems that their upper body loses weight faster than their lower body. Some women lose weight in their breasts more rapidly than around their waist. There are also some general gender differences in how fat is lost. Women tend to hang on to fat around their thighs and hips. Men tend to find the same problem with their guts. It’s a myth, however, that you can decide where you want to lose the fat and then come up with particular exercises that will do just that.

If I Can’t Spot Reduce, How Do I Lose the Gut?

Belly fat is most successfully reduced through consistent aerobic exercise, muscle resistance exercise and a balanced diet. No surprise there but it truly is what works. Of course, as previously mentioned, the belly fat is being lost along with other fat around the body. It’s general fat loss.

So How Do I Start to Lose Belly Fat?

It’s definitely possible to lose belly fat. What a person has to understand is that in order to lose it and do it permanently, you have to do the following:

1. Accept the reality of how the body works and how fat is burned.
2. Surrender to the fact that there is no such thing as spot reducing no matter what anyone tells you.
3. Look at your body as a whole – striving for overall fat reduction and muscle toning.
4. Start a frequent (at least five days per week) aerobic exercise plan of your choice to burn fat all over.
5. Start a muscle building and toning exercise program that you will do two to three days per week which will work on building muscle overall for more fat burning and to tone abdominal muscles.
6. Finally, you have to make your exercise program a priority and keep it fun.

By embracing the realities of belly fat and being willing to be the tortoise who consistently works even if it’s at a slower pace than everyone else, the race will be won but permanently.

Previously published in www.Suite101.com June 16, 2009

How to Stay Active and Cool This Summer

Many people want to get more fit during the summer but find it hard to keep up with regular exercise in the heat. How can we stay cool and yet keep up the pace?

Summer is not the time to give up on exercise just because of the heat. Some people have no trouble sticking to their exercise routine no matter how hot it gets, but that’s not most people. There’s nothing to feel guilty about if you can’t take the heat, but it also does not mean that we forgo exercise until the weather gets cooler. The whole objective is to continue an active lifestyle for a lifetime so we want to find ways to stay active throughout the the year.

Where to Start Beating the Summer Heat

It’s best to let go of any expectations about exercise. There ought to be no rules about how, when or where we should exercise and no rules about what type of exercise we should engage in. It doesn’t matter if running, walking, tread mills, or any other type of exercise is the latest rage. The important thing is that we move consistently. The body doesn’t care how we move – just that we move. It doesn’t even have to be considered exercise to be exercise. For example, playing with your kids or grandchildren in the pool may not be considered formal exercise but, if kept at a steady pace, it can be.

Just because you walk the rest of the year doesn’t mean you have to walk in the summer. If you take such an all-or-nothing approach to exercise and you can’t take the heat of summer, you’ll probably do nothing when it’s hot. In addition, this type of thinking keeps you from being creative enough to find other activities that are good exercise and will keep you active all summer.

Six Steps to Finding the Right Exercise for Summer

Here are some steps to take in finding the right exercise for those “too hot” days:

1. Make a list of places you can exercise that are cool enough for you. These may include shady areas, your house, the office, the mall, outside in the evening, and in water.
2. Make a list of ways that you like to “move.” This list might include dancing, stepping, swimming, water aerobics, cleaning house, jumping rope, gardening, using an exercise DVD, and so on.
3. Review accurate information on how to exercise properly to get the results you wish to get. The objective here is to move at a pace that gets your heart rate up enough where your body needs to breath deeply but not to the extent where you cannot have a conversation with someone while you’re exercising. We want to be breathing heavily but not to the point of pain.
4. Decide which exercises on your list you would like to start with and how you will be able to make them “aerobic.”
5. Set aside the time when you will engage in your summer exercise program. If you had a doctor appointment you would make sure nothing interfered with that time. Your exercise time should be given the same priority. If anyone asks to see you during your exercise time, just say, “I’m sorry. I have a commitment then.”
6. Nothing says that you have to do the same form of exercise all summer. The more you vary exercise, the more enjoyable it will be and the more likely that you will want to continue it.

The summer heat doesn’t have to get in the way of your work outs as long as you know how to stay active and cool.

Previously published in www.Suite101.com  June 3, 2010

In the late 1960’s and 70’s Twiggy became the first prominent teenage model.  She weighed 90 pounds and was the idol of 14 and 15 year-old girls at the time.  Her body had no curves, no appreciable fat, and a twig-like appearance.

I was an adolescent during that era myself and remember well the huge impact Twiggy’s fame had on my girlfriends and me.  Many young girls strived to look like her and were willing to do what it took to be like Twiggy.  It was also around this time that our country experienced a boom of fad diets such as the Stillman and the Atkins diets.

The result of this much focus by young girls and our society on thinness was the beginning of an epidemic of eating disorders, a societal preoccupation with dieting, and unrealistic expectations of how women should look.

The Eating Disorder Generations

Many of the women that were growing up during these years have struggled with the legacy of growing up during a time when messages about physical perfection and thinness were thrown at them from every direction.

Interestingly, most of those women who viewed Twiggy as their idol are now grandmothers.  Some became chronic dieters, some developed eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia, and some simply battled with a constant feeling that their bodies were never good enough.  Those that made it through totally unscathed are few.  In the field of psychology we have seen women with eating disorders who have raised daughters with eating disorders and who have, in turn, raised another generation of young girls exposed to this preoccupation with dieting, weight, and their body.

A few of these women conquered their problems with food but the majority continued to struggle with their preoccupations and to model behaviors that have been questionable, if not, harmful to their offspring.  Even those women who did not develop an eating disorder still came through that time with ideas about their bodies and weight that have not been good for their children.

The Power of Moms

Mothers are powerful figures.  A mother is the first important female figure in a young girl’s life.  So it is through her mother that a daughter gets her first lessons about what it means to be female, how to think of her body, and what her worth is as a woman.

More specifically, a young girl can develop a belief system regarding her relationship with food and her body from clues that her mother models about her own relationship with these things.  For example, a daughter growing up with a mother who talks about her weight frequently, constantly diets, and frequently criticizes her own weight and eating, is more likely to develop poor self-esteem and body image.  She is more likely to become preoccupied with being fat and worry about how she looks to others.  The end result can be a lifetime of the same preoccupation that her mother had.

It can matter little that this same mother may tell her daughter she just wants her to be healthy and happy.  If the more frequent messages are about dieting and general preoccupation with the body, that is what the daughter is likely to carry through life.

Tips for Moms

Most mothers mean well and do want their daughters to be happy.  However, there are misconceptions about how this is best accomplished.  Watching mom subsist on celery and cottage cheese, freak out at the sight of a carb, or inspect her body for fat continually is not the way that a young woman develops good self-esteem and an accurate body image.  And, without these, there is no inner peace and happiness.

Instead,

• Focus on modeling healthy behaviors you would like to see in your daughter rather than telling her what you want her to do. Practicing what you preach is more powerful than preaching.
• Don’t say, “I just want you to be happy.” If your actions don’t show that this is your priority, the words will not have an impact.
• Look closely at messages you give your daughter about how you feel about yourself.  Work on your own body image and self-esteem issues.  That will be a greater and longer lasting gift to your daughter than anything you could buy her.
• Focus on the abstract rather than the concrete.  Your child’s feeling of self-worth is more important than how her body looks.  Besides, if she feels good about herself, she will make better choices in life including those that have to do with health and fitness.

This Mother’s Day, what better gift to give a future mom than the gift of positive messages about health, body image, and self-worth that she can pass on to her daughters?

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times