In the late 1960’s and 70’s Twiggy became the first prominent teenage model. She weighed 90 pounds and was the idol of 14 and 15 year-old girls at the time. Her body had no curves, no appreciable fat, and a twig-like appearance.
I was an adolescent during that era myself and remember well the huge impact Twiggy’s fame had on my girlfriends and me. Many young girls strived to look like her and were willing to do what it took to be like Twiggy. It was also around this time that our country experienced a boom of fad diets such as the Stillman and the Atkins diets.
The result of this much focus by young girls and our society on thinness was the beginning of an epidemic of eating disorders, a societal preoccupation with dieting, and unrealistic expectations of how women should look.
The Eating Disorder Generations
Many of the women that were growing up during these years have struggled with the legacy of growing up during a time when messages about physical perfection and thinness were thrown at them from every direction.
Interestingly, most of those women who viewed Twiggy as their idol are now grandmothers. Some became chronic dieters, some developed eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia, and some simply battled with a constant feeling that their bodies were never good enough. Those that made it through totally unscathed are few. In the field of psychology we have seen women with eating disorders who have raised daughters with eating disorders and who have, in turn, raised another generation of young girls exposed to this preoccupation with dieting, weight, and their body.
A few of these women conquered their problems with food but the majority continued to struggle with their preoccupations and to model behaviors that have been questionable, if not, harmful to their offspring. Even those women who did not develop an eating disorder still came through that time with ideas about their bodies and weight that have not been good for their children.
The Power of Moms
Mothers are powerful figures. A mother is the first important female figure in a young girl’s life. So it is through her mother that a daughter gets her first lessons about what it means to be female, how to think of her body, and what her worth is as a woman.
More specifically, a young girl can develop a belief system regarding her relationship with food and her body from clues that her mother models about her own relationship with these things. For example, a daughter growing up with a mother who talks about her weight frequently, constantly diets, and frequently criticizes her own weight and eating, is more likely to develop poor self-esteem and body image. She is more likely to become preoccupied with being fat and worry about how she looks to others. The end result can be a lifetime of the same preoccupation that her mother had.
It can matter little that this same mother may tell her daughter she just wants her to be healthy and happy. If the more frequent messages are about dieting and general preoccupation with the body, that is what the daughter is likely to carry through life.
Tips for Moms
Most mothers mean well and do want their daughters to be happy. However, there are misconceptions about how this is best accomplished. Watching mom subsist on celery and cottage cheese, freak out at the sight of a carb, or inspect her body for fat continually is not the way that a young woman develops good self-esteem and an accurate body image. And, without these, there is no inner peace and happiness.
Instead,
- Focus on modeling healthy behaviors you would like to see in your daughter rather than telling her what you want her to do. Practicing what you preach is more powerful than preaching.
- Don’t say, “I just want you to be happy.” If your actions don’t show that this is your priority, the words will not have an impact.
- Look closely at messages you give your daughter about how you feel about yourself. Work on your own body image and self-esteem issues. That will be a greater and longer lasting gift to your daughter than anything you could buy her.
- Focus on the abstract rather than the concrete. Your child’s feeling of self-worth is more important than how her body looks. Besides, if she feels good about herself, she will make better choices in life including those that have to do with health and fitness.
This Mother’s Day, what better gift to give a future mom than the gift of positive messages about health, body image, and self-worth that she can pass on to her daughters?
Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times
