Do you have a sincere desire to become more fit and healthy in 2012, but the idea of exercising outdoors or in a public gym brings you to a dead stop?

Many people who are self-conscious about their size or fitness level find it uncomfortable or even distressing to exercise in public. Maybe they believe that others are looking at them critically. They might think they don’t fit in with fit people. They may even fear someone is going to say something insulting to them.

It’s common to put off walking around the neighborhood or joining a gym, thinking, “When I lose weight I’ll get out there and start training.”

Invariably, that day never comes. Few people can manage their weight without incorporating exercise. Most likely more weight is gained and more precious health is compromised.

Because of society’s bias when it comes to weight, it’s understandable why many people have such fear of exercising in public. Yet most of the beliefs that keep people from moving forward with their fitness are just that – beliefs. Here are some points that are closer to the truth:

. More often than not, people are too concerned about themselves to worry about those around them. In fact, the person whose opinion you fear may herself worry about what others are thinking about her. More likely, however, she’s thinking about other things entirely.

. You are not a mind reader. So you could be completely wrong in your beliefs about what others think, yet you’re allowing those beliefs to rule your life.

. It’s not other people’s thoughts that make us feel bad, it’s our own. It’s important to realize that it’s your own thinking that’s in your way, not the thinking of others.

. Even if you were openly ridiculed early in life because of weight, that experience does not have to rule your life any longer. It was unacceptable for anyone to mock you as a child; it’s equally unacceptable for you to keep ridiculing yourself. Everyone has the right to pursue health and happiness, so it’s important to treat yourself the way you wish to be treated by others.

As a young psychologist, I worked with a very large patient whom I will never forget – not because of his size, but because of his determination. We not only worked on his fitness by walking together, we worked on his thinking about exercising in public.

He wanted to participate in an organized 5K run, but he didn’t want to wait until he was thin. Instead, he decided to train and run it at whatever weight he was on the day of the race.

He was larger than most of the runners. There was no getting around the fact that people would look at him: Race spectators are there to watch the runners.

We jogged and walked for the entire 5K, and we did attract attention.

But it was all positive. Everyone was cheering him on and, in the end, he got his picture in the paper, a ribbon, and a huge amount of pride in himself. Mostly, he felt pride for not letting the thoughts of others keep him from doing what he wanted to do with his life.

So, if worrying about what others think of you is keeping you from being as active as you wish to be, explore your thoughts and beliefs and work at turning them around so that they no longer get in your way. Focus on your goal, be proud of yourself for working on it, and enjoy every minute of it. Let others take care of themselves.

Previously published in St. Petersburg Times

“I can’t seem to get enough motivation to exercise.”  Motivation is something that people find to be mysterious and out of reach – especially when it comes to being able to exercise consistently, instead of in the start-and-stop fashion that many people find so frustrating and defeating.

Yet, having the motivation to exercise isn’t as mysterious as it’s believed to be.  It’s within everyone’s reach.  It’s just that people tend to look for it in the wrong places and have expectations that immediately put them at a disadvantage before they’ve even begun to exercise.

In my experience, the three most common reasons why people have difficulty finding motivation to exercise are the following:

1. They think exercise has to be more intense than it has to be.  “When I lose weight I’ll be able to exercise the way it should be done.”  Barring any medical reason why you’ve been advised not to, exercise can be done anytime and at any body size as long as you realize that the only requirement is that you move consistently, frequently, and easily.  You don’t have to perform any particular type of exercise.  You don’t have to exercise at any particular speed or intensity.  You simply start from your current fitness level and “move” more than that level.  Exercise should not be a strain or feel painful.  If it is, it’s too intense.  So ease up a little, but keep moving until you’ve reached a level where it feels comfortable. For example, if you’re walking at a speed that feels too difficult, uncomfortable, or unenjoyable, slow down until it feels like you’re working harder than usual but it also feels relatively easy.

If you think of exercise as having to be something that’s intense, it’s logical that your mind won’t want to do it.  No one wants to do something that seems overwhelming.  It should be no big surprise, then, that you would resist anything that feels out of reach.  Make it reachable and you’ll keep doing it. It doesn’t matter how simple the activity seems compared to what you see other people do.  If you start at your level, you’ll want to keep doing it.  There will be opportunities to increase intensity later and you’ll still feel comfortable.

2. They think they have few options with exercise and none appeal to them.  Instead, exercise can be whatever you want it to be as long as you move consistently.  You do not have to be a runner, a walker, or a gym person.  Perhaps you’re more of a dancer, a rope jumper, a hiker, a stair climber, or like to jump up and down while watching TV.  You pick the exercise – whatever it is.  Make it your own and you’ll be more likely to want to stay with it because you’ll like it.

3. They only want to exercise to lose weight.  Weight loss alone is not a good motivator because of the short-term nature of it.  If your brain isn’t thinking past losing weight, what will be the incentive to keep being active for the rest of your life?  The person needs to find a long-term reason to exercise in addition to weight control.  The best motivating approach is one which includes a life-time goal of health and fitness mixed with short-term goals that are directly related to the long-term goal.  For instance, frequently reminding yourself that the main reason for exercising is to achieve older age without diabetes, cholesterol, or blood pressure problems like too many people have today, can keep the larger and more important picture in focus.  Try to imagine how the exercise you’re doing each day is insuring that your muscles stay strong enough to allow you to get around independently or  look healthy and strong at any age.

Within this global focus you can have short-term goals that give you an extra push – like walking a little further or lifting a heavier weight today.  With any goal, however, attitude is everything so keep challenges fun and achievable.

Remember, being fit and lean are both important for health, but if you’re only focusing on the number on a scale you’re missing the point as well as the motivation that will keep you wanting to exercise.

In short, motivation is the feeling of wanting to approach something because we imagine it to be a good thing.  Nothing destroys motivation faster than anticipating something negative or even torturous.  It’s human nature to avoid such negative things.

However, the human brain is intelligent and it can think about pleasurable things, also.  So use that wonderful brain and create your own enjoyable ways to move more in your life.  You’ll be surprised how quickly motivation will appear.

By Lavinia Rodriguez, Ph.D.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

I wish I could write the weight loss resolution article to end all weight loss resolutions.

Why?  Because, if I could convince people to adopt the right behaviors for managing their health, it would make this annual ritual obsolete.  By following the right behaviors, setbacks would be rare and so minor, they would have little negative impact.

But here we are — another new year and people are still looking for the answer to their weight struggles.

Here’s a question to consider: Are you looking to get those extra pounds off quickly, or are you willing to change your life and lose the weight slowly but permanently? I’m going to bet that you would like to end the cycle of up and down
pounds with its potential for negatively affecting your health in the long run.

If that’s the case, it’s important to recognize that some kinds of resolutions can actually stand in the way of reaching that important goal.

Among them:

•       Focusing on the scale. It’s surprising how often people expect their body to achieve some arbitrary weight. If you’ve always been told to keep your goals specific, it may make sense to to declare, “My goal is 115 pounds.  I’m going to keep going until I get to that weight.”

But there’s a genetic component to weight management. Stubbornly insistingon getting to 115, if that’s not a reasonable goal for your body, will only backfire. Either you’ll make yourself sick, or you’ll rebel against your strict diet, gaining even more weight.

The logical way to approach weight loss is to focus on lifestyle changes in diet and exercise that will help you burn fat while eating healthfully.

Once you’ve done that, allow your body to show you what it’s capable of doing.  If, say, you stabilize at 130 pounds, consider if there are other reasonable changes you could make to discover if your body has a leaner yet still healthy plateau.  If not, then celebrate your achievement, maintain your new habits and move on with life.

•       Taking away rather than adding. People tend to think that the best strategy for losing weight is to cut out carbs, calories or fats. This approach, however, is psychologically ineffective.  The mind cooperates much more happily when we decide to add rather than take away. This is why it probably sounds less daunting to add a salad every day than it would to cut out fast food entirely. Adding healthy foods and habits tends to displace unhealthy ones, but in a more appealing way.

• Missing the pattern. Losing weight and keeping it off is more complicated than simply going on the latest diet and hitting the gym a few times a week.  Sure, you’re putting in a good effort. But if your body isn’t reacting as you would like, it’s time to look for the reasons rather than just continuing to do the same things expecting different results.

Often, there’s a simple pattern that is holding you back. Perhaps you’re in the habit of going out to eat too frequently. Even “healthy’’ establishments usually provide meals with more calories than you’d prepare for yourself. Tweaking just this one habit can make a tremendous impact on your weight.

If you’re serious about making this the year that you get off the weight gain/loss rollercoaster, here are some resolutions that can make a major impact:

•       Educate yourself about healthy eating.  There are plenty of sound websites to peruse such as www.choosemyplate.gov/.

•       Take cooking classes that focus on how to eat nutritiously with little-to-no cooking.

•       Vow to try a variety of ways to exercise and find out which you like best.

•       Learn to stretch on a regular basis.  The older we get the more important it becomes.

•       Learn to meditate.  Decreasing stress makes it easier to control portions.

If the same old weight loss resolutions have never worked for you in the past, why would you think they’ll work now? Instead, look for vows that address your real problems, and that you can stick with all year around.

Previously published in The St. Petersburg Times

Why do we have traditions? Why do we feel compelled to do things the same way every year, running around like crazy to get everything done just perfectly?

Does it have to be this way or can we take back control?

Even if you love traditions, it’s easy to lose touch with what they’re supposed to be all about. Suggesting changes doesn’t have to mean that you’re betraying your family or your culture. Examining old habits can mean that you value the real meaning of traditions more, because you’re focusing on togetherness and expressing love rather buying the perfect gift or making the perfect meal.

If tradition is becoming more stressful than fun, it may be time to consider some changes. If you are so concerned about the food you’re eating and what it may be doing to your weight that you’re forgetting to connect with family and friends, perhaps it’s time to tweak things.

And, if you can’t wait for the holidays to be over because the pace is too hard to take, it’s definitely time for an attitude adjustment.

Some tips to consider:

• Keep what you like best and change the rest. One of my clients decided she would find new versions of traditional dishes. Her objective was find recipes that took less time to make, were more nutritious, but still tasted great enough to make them worthy of new traditions.

• Simplify. Maybe you no longer have the time and/or money to shop for days all over town. If time is the issue, it’s not too late to shop online. If money is the issue, perhaps the new tradition should be that only the children get gifts. Or maybe you give something small and meaningful, such as a Christmas ornament, a favorite book or an herb plant. Side benefit:  The people you think you must shop for might be relieved to get off the hook.

• Give yourself a gift. Cook a memorable childhood treat, or take some time to relax in your pajamas, sipping a holiday drink.

• How about pot luck? One of the best ways to simplify holiday meals is to let everyone contribute. Less work for you, and you give everyone the gift of showcasing their favorite dishes.

• Ask the kids what they want to do. Maybe they don’t really like the holiday movie you feel compelled to watch every year. Maybe they have their own suggestion. Yes, It’s a Wonderful Life is a classic, but Elf is a lot of fun too. Why not give the kids the chance to make great memories they’ll cherish as adults?

• Get some help. If you can swing it, consider paying someone to help with cooking, cleaning or other chores. Bonus: You might be helping another family too.

• Do something totally different. Some families go camping on Christmas. Some go on a cruise or swap homes with another family that lives in another part of the country or the world. A new tradition can be as rustic or exotic as you want.

• Volunteer – Helping others can be a great tradition. Soup kitchens and food pantries always need help. Or see if your elderly neighbor could use your family’s labor to clean up the yard or make small repairs.

So think about your own traditions, and consider which ones you really love, and which ones no longer fit your goals for a joyful and fun holiday season.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

“I messed up again! Now I’m back to square one. What’s the use!”

Sound familiar? That’s the self-defeating voice that tells us to quit our healthy eating program whenever we’re less than perfect. It gets louder than ever during the holidays.

It’s a stressful time and stress is known to push us to eat mindlessly. It’s also a time when we’re rushed, making it hard to have regular meals at home. Then there are the scores of party invitations and the high-calorie, high-fat foods crossing our paths continually.

Maybe it’s time to adjust our expectations of ourselves, and consider a new way to manage weight and health during the holidays.

NO TO THE NEGATIVE

The verbal “recordings” that become embedded in our minds through the years and are played over and over again can have a huge impact on our lives.

But these recordings can be edited and even deleted if we’re willing to face them.

I like to think about losing and managing weight as more like a marathon than a sprint.

The marathoner must first train in order to gain fitness and endurance. This includes feeding the body well and knowing when to rest. Running a successful marathon requires pacing. Running too fast means risking injury and possibly having to quit. Winning runners know that they must ignore others that may pass them and keep focus on their own pace.

All of which should sound a lot like weight management. Yet many people treat it more like a sprint, resorting to fad diets and expect large, fast losses.

This sprinter’s mentality applied to a marathon event like weight management sets the dieter up for failure. Familiar self-defeating thoughts then take over. “What’s the use? I failed again.”

The holidays are particularly tough for people with the sprinter’s mentality about weight. Their unreasonable expectations extend to thinking that even during the most elaborate feasts, they’ll pass up all the goodies. They inevitably disappoint themselves and give up.

If they had taken the long-distance runner’s perspective, they would hang in there during the tough times, just like the marathoner gets through the “wall,” and continue past the holidays without losing motivation.

Perhaps they don’t lose weight during the holidays, and maybe they aren’t “perfect,” but they are far more likely to maintain rather than gain. They’re also more likely to enjoy the festivities.

Above all, dieters with more realistic expectations and proper pacing don’t quit. They can continue successfully managing their weight for life, one progressive step at a time.

CREATE NEW MIND-SET

So how about replacing the old, self-defeating thoughts with these:

. “I’m not going to try to do anything extreme during the holidays this year.”

. “I’ll pace myself, stay calm, and focus on the positive.”

. “I won’t let myself get too hungry before eating, I’ll make physical activity a priority, and I’ll feed my body nutritious things.

. “What I do will be more important than the number on the scale and if I’m able to maintain my weight instead of gaining, I’ll consider that a success and continue on.”

So, think of the changes you want to make with weight – and other health goals – like the long-distance runner thinks of the next marathon. Stay calm and pace yourself.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

Now that Halloween is behind us, the holiday season is off and running. With it comes all the goodies that we so desire and that we so fear will make us overindulge.

But with a little planning, the food conflicts that can drain the joy from the holidays can be a thing of the past. We can use a wealth of solid research about why it’s so much better to control portions instead of falling for the same old failing dieting tactics.

There are researchers who devote their careers to studying what makes us eat more and what helps us push away from the buffet. Food psychology laboratories produce information of particular interest to the food industry, which wants us to eat their products in abundance. But there’s no reason we can’t use this information to gain insight into how we tend to respond to different eating situations so we can better manage portions – and weight.

Some of the research findings:

. Out of sight, out of mind: he more visible food is (like the candy dish on the coffee table or your co-worker’s desk), the more likely we are to eat it. No problem if it’s food you don’t like, but if you love chocolate and have to stare at a bowl full of holiday M&M’s, you’ll probably surrender. The trick here is to make tempting goodies less visible. Using covered, opaque dishes for candy, and open dishes to display fresh fruit will encourage the healthier choice. Also, try keeping nutritious foods in front of the fridge or cupboard while putting the ones you want to control in the back.

. Size matters: The bigger the package, container, or plate you’re eating from, the more you’re likely to eat. The brain seems to be looking for signals to mark the end of eating. Something about seeing an empty plate, bowl or bag helps us feel satisfied whether the container is large or small. That’s why using smaller plates is so effective. So, when going to that big holiday buffet, put your entree on the salad plate.

. Serve and step away: During party situations, whenever possible, serve yourself reasonable portions and then step far away from the rest of the food. The less you look at food, the more likely you will be to feel satisfied with what you served yourself. I saw this in action myself at a party last weekend. Engrossed in conversation with a local chocolatier, I didn’t step away from the serving trays filled with exquisite chocolates. Result: I ate more than I would have if I had invited my conversation partner to have a seat in another room.

. Slow down: It’s takes about 20 minutes for your brain to receive all the physiological signals that you’ve eaten enough. So the faster you eat, the more you’ll eat.

What’s the hurry anyway? There are few things we will do as often in our lives as eat, so let’s sit back, take a deep breath and enjoy. The more you let your body get the full enjoyment out of what you’re eating, the sooner it will say, “Okay, that was good, but I’m done.”

These are only a few research-based tips that you can incorporate into your holiday eating. Use your creativity to come up with others and practice them as you enjoy not just the food, but the people and the surroundings.

Consider the alternative – getting overly preoccupied with weight, food and dieting. When has that ever worked? It’s the gentle, positive, consistent approaches that make for the best results.

The greatest myth about calories and losing weight is this: The less you eat, the more you lose.

The human body is not so simple. It’s built for the complicated work of survival. It kills foreign invaders, digests all kinds of things that we throw into it, it tries to make sure that we have the energy we need, and much, much more.

Calories have gotten a bad reputation because of the scores of fad diets that tell us we should eat as few as possible. However, calories are key to survival. Sure, if we eat too many calories we will gain weight and we don’t want that to get out of hand.

But if we don’t provide enough calories for our body to do its many jobs well, we are setting ourselves up for weight-loss disappointment. The right number of calories can help us lose weight and maintain weight loss.

Experts in the field have known for some time that eating enough calories is important for efficient fat loss. Here are just a few of the negative consequences of skimping on calories:

Slowing metabolism. The last thing you want to do when losing weight is to slow down your fat-burning mechanism. Eating too few calories, however, does just that. You’re giving your body no choice but to protect its vital functions by conserving energy when you undereat. This is why, for instance, people who are undernourished tend to feel cold and lethargic.

Psychological deprivation. When you are calorically deprived, hunger becomes tough to ignore and cravings intensify. It’s next to impossible to stay in this state for long. Before we know it, we make up for undereating with compulsive eating or bingeing followed by weight gain.

Fatigue and lack of energy. Not eating enough calories also decreases our energy levels so we feel weak and unable to exercise, further slowing metabolism and weight loss.

Breakdown of muscle. Muscle burns calories, but not eating enough calories can break down muscle mass. The more muscle we have, the more calories we can eat without storing fat. If we’re eating so few calories that the body has to break down muscle to function, we’re setting ourselves up again to gain rather than lose weight.

So the wise person who wants to become leaner will make sure that they get enough calories to keep their metabolism burning efficiently, avoid fatigue and deprivation, and prevent muscle breakdown.

Figuring out the precise number of calories your body needs requires sophisticated equipment not available to most people. But these general USDA guidelines will get you close enough:

. An adult woman who isn’t physically active has an estimated total calorie need of 1,600-2,000.

. An adult man who isn’t physically active has an estimated total calorie need of 2,000-2,400.

TIPS FOR FAT LOSS

Counting every calorie isn’t necessary, but it’s important to avoid fad diets that expect you to go below these levels. Here are steps you can take to make sure you’re fueling your body properly:

. Be active on a daily basis.

. Don’t skip meals and eat 4-6 small, nutritious meals and snacks daily.

. Eat when hungry, but don’t let hunger get intense.

. Reduce portions gradually until you start noticing your clothes becoming looser.

. Strive for gradual, rather than rapid weight loss.

. Stay away from weight loss programs that make you feel deprived.

Getting enough calories makes losing weight an easier task with more permanent results. Your body will thank you for giving it the fuel it needs to burn fat, rather than expecting it to go into survival mode.

Previously published in St. Petersburg Times

Do people tend to gain weight after they “settle down” with a romantic partner?  This is a question that interests some researchers.  While there are still questions to be answered about this issue, a number of studies have found that obesity appears to be associated with romantic couples living together (married or not) and that there is a stronger association the longer the couple has lived together.

A study done in 2009 suggested that this relationship has less to do with having traits in common and more to do with environment.  The researchers found that living with a romantic partner for two or more years was correlated with obesity and sedentary behavior.

I don’t think this is terribly surprising to most people.  However, studies that find relationships like these don’t mean that weight gain and obesity are an inevitable part of living with the one you love.  It does mean that if you don’t want to be one of the statistics, you have to put some serious thought and work into the matter.

Creating a lifestyle of activity, nutritious eating, health, and weight management as a couple isn’t easy within our fast-paced, sedentary, and fast food-laden culture but, if it’s important to you, it’s, without a doubt, possible.

That’s exactly what my husband and I did when we got married and started a home-life together. We’ve lived together 13 years.  We have jobs that require a considerable amount of sitting – much like many other Americans.  These jobs, added to the other characteristics of the typical American lifestyle (such as amount of time required to drive to destinations, household time-saving devices like washers and dryers, and sedentary leisure activities such as television and the internet) would definitely get in the way of our health and fitness if we didn’t make sure that they didn’t.

Oftentimes, we hear ourselves say that we don’t have time to take better care of ourselves or that we have too many responsibilities to have the time to be fit.  When it comes to health and fitness, however, few people HAVE the time.  It must be important enough for us to make it a priority – important enough to make us WANT to MAKE the time.  Sure it will take some creativity and habit changing.  And maybe other people might not like our decision.  But, the time won’t magically appear and wishing won’t make it happen either.

Once you’ve made that decision, however, you can have a wonderful adventure together and, not only will you get leaner and healthier, but your relationship can be enhanced by it, also.

Here are some things that my hubby and I do to keep ourselves lean and healthy instead of growing fat and, maybe, sick together:

• Eating: We strive to improve eating by learning about cooking and shopping for nutritious foods.  We share the responsibility of grocery shopping, maintaining a grocery list, and shopping often enough to have good choices around.  We look for fast, easy ways to make nutritious meals.  Each specializes in dishes that contribute to the household.  My husband makes the hummus and salads.  I make pasta sauce, bread, and health cookies.
• Exercise:  We take a daily one-hour walk and make sure we leave time for it in our busy schedules.  This is when we talk about our day and future plans.  It’s a great way to have quality relationship time.  In addition, we each have individual exercise time.  He has a particular muscle strengthening routine and I have mine.  And we support and praise each other’s efforts.
• Leisure: We like to watch some TV programs but often use TV time to do catch up on other activities.  Commercials are good times to get clothes washed, dried, and folded, for example, and stretching can be done while watching a program. Sure, we sometimes just “veg out” but it’s not most of the time.
• Hobbies-I’ve been a gardener for years and now my husband has discovered the joys of gardening.  We split responsibilities in the yard and take walks through the garden to view our handy-work. Gardening is active but provides a lot of relaxation at the same time.
• Vacations –We prefer trips to places where we can hike and locations where we can walk a lot rather than ones where the focus is on eating.   Even airport time can be made more active by taking a walk around the airport together (or separately while one watches the luggage) instead sitting for hours at the gates.

You and your spouse don’t have to do things exactly as we do, but if you start with realizing that it’s up to you to make the initial decision and follow it with creativity, you won’t be one of the statistics.  And what if your spouse won’t join you down the road to health?  Well, don’t let that stop you.  Do it anyway.  Your spouse may join you later when he or she sees what it’s doing for you.

The pursuit of thinness long has been a major preoccupation for American women. But why are women trying to be downright slender, as opposed to maintaining a healthy weight?  If it’s for the approval of men, then women seem to be putting themselves through needless worry and discomfort.

I work with a lot of women with body image issues so the question of what men find attractive and what women think men find attractive is of particular interest to me. Many women suffer a great deal believing that they’re not thin enough to be attractive to men.  But are their
expectations shaped by men?  Let’s take a look.

During decades of practice numerous women have told me how they try to avoid being seen naked by their husbands or boyfriends.  Other times I’ve heard women share that they believe they will never find a man to love them because they don’t have the “perfect” body they assume men seek.

Research investigating what body shape most men prefer has revealed some interesting things.  For example, it appears that:
•       Men find a greater range of female body shapes attractive than women do.
•       The body shape that men generally find attractive in women has a waist-to-hip ratio of 0.7. That’s the ratio of a 28-inch waist and 40-inch hips, though the study found that size wasn’t as important as the balance. Men like curves. If you doubt it, consider actor Christina Hendricks, who stars in the television series Mad Men.  Today’s men find her shape incredibly attractive, even though the show is based on 1960’s standards. Interestingly, in a study with blind men, the same ratio was found to be most attractive to the males in the study.
•       The average American man is less bothered by a few extra pounds in a woman than her being what he considers “too thin.”

Apparently, American women consider the most beautiful female figure to be one that is thinner than average while American men prefer a more rounded shape.  Could this be why fashion models are so thin?

So, who are women wanting to please?  Is it men or other women?  Do they even know?  If it’s men, they seem to be missing the mark.  If it’s women, why would that be? What would pleasing other women with respect to body size accomplish? If it’s other women that American women wish to please, why is it worth going through such pain?  These are questions each woman ought to ask herself.

There are men out there who are already attracted to women who themselves are convinced that they aren’t at all attractive. Perhaps these women could profit from looking at what they might be passing up, and reconsidering their distorted expectations.

Of course, there are men who expect their women to look a certain way at all times, and these women have my sympathy and my earnest hope that their husbands and boyfriends can get over themselves. Or that these women can find a better man.

If you’re feeling bold, try asking the men you know what they find attractive in women. I found an informal survey by MSN that indicated most men prefer women who are comfortable in their own skin to those who trowel on heavy makeup and are obsessed with whether their stomachs are flat.

While the best thing for all of us — both men and women — is to accept who we are and pursue having the healthiest and fittest body we are naturally capable of achieving, letting go of any mistaken ideas of what is attractive to the opposite sex is not a bad place to start.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times