“I messed up again! Now I’m back to square one. What’s the use!”

Sound familiar? That’s the self-defeating voice that tells us to quit our healthy eating program whenever we’re less than perfect. It gets louder than ever during the holidays.

It’s a stressful time and stress is known to push us to eat mindlessly. It’s also a time when we’re rushed, making it hard to have regular meals at home. Then there are the scores of party invitations and the high-calorie, high-fat foods crossing our paths continually.

Maybe it’s time to adjust our expectations of ourselves, and consider a new way to manage weight and health during the holidays.

NO TO THE NEGATIVE

The verbal “recordings” that become embedded in our minds through the years and are played over and over again can have a huge impact on our lives.

But these recordings can be edited and even deleted if we’re willing to face them.

I like to think about losing and managing weight as more like a marathon than a sprint.

The marathoner must first train in order to gain fitness and endurance. This includes feeding the body well and knowing when to rest. Running a successful marathon requires pacing. Running too fast means risking injury and possibly having to quit. Winning runners know that they must ignore others that may pass them and keep focus on their own pace.

All of which should sound a lot like weight management. Yet many people treat it more like a sprint, resorting to fad diets and expect large, fast losses.

This sprinter’s mentality applied to a marathon event like weight management sets the dieter up for failure. Familiar self-defeating thoughts then take over. “What’s the use? I failed again.”

The holidays are particularly tough for people with the sprinter’s mentality about weight. Their unreasonable expectations extend to thinking that even during the most elaborate feasts, they’ll pass up all the goodies. They inevitably disappoint themselves and give up.

If they had taken the long-distance runner’s perspective, they would hang in there during the tough times, just like the marathoner gets through the “wall,” and continue past the holidays without losing motivation.

Perhaps they don’t lose weight during the holidays, and maybe they aren’t “perfect,” but they are far more likely to maintain rather than gain. They’re also more likely to enjoy the festivities.

Above all, dieters with more realistic expectations and proper pacing don’t quit. They can continue successfully managing their weight for life, one progressive step at a time.

CREATE NEW MIND-SET

So how about replacing the old, self-defeating thoughts with these:

. “I’m not going to try to do anything extreme during the holidays this year.”

. “I’ll pace myself, stay calm, and focus on the positive.”

. “I won’t let myself get too hungry before eating, I’ll make physical activity a priority, and I’ll feed my body nutritious things.

. “What I do will be more important than the number on the scale and if I’m able to maintain my weight instead of gaining, I’ll consider that a success and continue on.”

So, think of the changes you want to make with weight – and other health goals – like the long-distance runner thinks of the next marathon. Stay calm and pace yourself.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

Now that Halloween is behind us, the holiday season is off and running. With it comes all the goodies that we so desire and that we so fear will make us overindulge.

But with a little planning, the food conflicts that can drain the joy from the holidays can be a thing of the past. We can use a wealth of solid research about why it’s so much better to control portions instead of falling for the same old failing dieting tactics.

There are researchers who devote their careers to studying what makes us eat more and what helps us push away from the buffet. Food psychology laboratories produce information of particular interest to the food industry, which wants us to eat their products in abundance. But there’s no reason we can’t use this information to gain insight into how we tend to respond to different eating situations so we can better manage portions – and weight.

Some of the research findings:

. Out of sight, out of mind: he more visible food is (like the candy dish on the coffee table or your co-worker’s desk), the more likely we are to eat it. No problem if it’s food you don’t like, but if you love chocolate and have to stare at a bowl full of holiday M&M’s, you’ll probably surrender. The trick here is to make tempting goodies less visible. Using covered, opaque dishes for candy, and open dishes to display fresh fruit will encourage the healthier choice. Also, try keeping nutritious foods in front of the fridge or cupboard while putting the ones you want to control in the back.

. Size matters: The bigger the package, container, or plate you’re eating from, the more you’re likely to eat. The brain seems to be looking for signals to mark the end of eating. Something about seeing an empty plate, bowl or bag helps us feel satisfied whether the container is large or small. That’s why using smaller plates is so effective. So, when going to that big holiday buffet, put your entree on the salad plate.

. Serve and step away: During party situations, whenever possible, serve yourself reasonable portions and then step far away from the rest of the food. The less you look at food, the more likely you will be to feel satisfied with what you served yourself. I saw this in action myself at a party last weekend. Engrossed in conversation with a local chocolatier, I didn’t step away from the serving trays filled with exquisite chocolates. Result: I ate more than I would have if I had invited my conversation partner to have a seat in another room.

. Slow down: It’s takes about 20 minutes for your brain to receive all the physiological signals that you’ve eaten enough. So the faster you eat, the more you’ll eat.

What’s the hurry anyway? There are few things we will do as often in our lives as eat, so let’s sit back, take a deep breath and enjoy. The more you let your body get the full enjoyment out of what you’re eating, the sooner it will say, “Okay, that was good, but I’m done.”

These are only a few research-based tips that you can incorporate into your holiday eating. Use your creativity to come up with others and practice them as you enjoy not just the food, but the people and the surroundings.

Consider the alternative – getting overly preoccupied with weight, food and dieting. When has that ever worked? It’s the gentle, positive, consistent approaches that make for the best results.

The greatest myth about calories and losing weight is this: The less you eat, the more you lose.

The human body is not so simple. It’s built for the complicated work of survival. It kills foreign invaders, digests all kinds of things that we throw into it, it tries to make sure that we have the energy we need, and much, much more.

Calories have gotten a bad reputation because of the scores of fad diets that tell us we should eat as few as possible. However, calories are key to survival. Sure, if we eat too many calories we will gain weight and we don’t want that to get out of hand.

But if we don’t provide enough calories for our body to do its many jobs well, we are setting ourselves up for weight-loss disappointment. The right number of calories can help us lose weight and maintain weight loss.

Experts in the field have known for some time that eating enough calories is important for efficient fat loss. Here are just a few of the negative consequences of skimping on calories:

Slowing metabolism. The last thing you want to do when losing weight is to slow down your fat-burning mechanism. Eating too few calories, however, does just that. You’re giving your body no choice but to protect its vital functions by conserving energy when you undereat. This is why, for instance, people who are undernourished tend to feel cold and lethargic.

Psychological deprivation. When you are calorically deprived, hunger becomes tough to ignore and cravings intensify. It’s next to impossible to stay in this state for long. Before we know it, we make up for undereating with compulsive eating or bingeing followed by weight gain.

Fatigue and lack of energy. Not eating enough calories also decreases our energy levels so we feel weak and unable to exercise, further slowing metabolism and weight loss.

Breakdown of muscle. Muscle burns calories, but not eating enough calories can break down muscle mass. The more muscle we have, the more calories we can eat without storing fat. If we’re eating so few calories that the body has to break down muscle to function, we’re setting ourselves up again to gain rather than lose weight.

So the wise person who wants to become leaner will make sure that they get enough calories to keep their metabolism burning efficiently, avoid fatigue and deprivation, and prevent muscle breakdown.

Figuring out the precise number of calories your body needs requires sophisticated equipment not available to most people. But these general USDA guidelines will get you close enough:

. An adult woman who isn’t physically active has an estimated total calorie need of 1,600-2,000.

. An adult man who isn’t physically active has an estimated total calorie need of 2,000-2,400.

TIPS FOR FAT LOSS

Counting every calorie isn’t necessary, but it’s important to avoid fad diets that expect you to go below these levels. Here are steps you can take to make sure you’re fueling your body properly:

. Be active on a daily basis.

. Don’t skip meals and eat 4-6 small, nutritious meals and snacks daily.

. Eat when hungry, but don’t let hunger get intense.

. Reduce portions gradually until you start noticing your clothes becoming looser.

. Strive for gradual, rather than rapid weight loss.

. Stay away from weight loss programs that make you feel deprived.

Getting enough calories makes losing weight an easier task with more permanent results. Your body will thank you for giving it the fuel it needs to burn fat, rather than expecting it to go into survival mode.

Previously published in St. Petersburg Times

People being treated for eating disorders and other eating related problems often believe that they’re more dysfunctional than they actually are.  Invariably, I find myself showing patients that many of the behaviors they think are unique and “weird” about themselves are experienced by people they consider “normal eaters.”

Most articles discussing the differences between thin and overweight people focus on the things that thin people do better than overweight people, but what do these thinner people have in common with those that have problems with their eating and weight?

Here are some of the most common misperceptions my patients have about normal eaters:

• They never overeat – The truth is that most people sometimes overeat – it’s normal.  Those people who consider their health and fitness a priority, however, do pay attention to when they have overeaten, try to make subsequent meals more balanced, and try to increase activity.
• They don’t have sweet cravings – Sweet tastes are particularly pleasurable to humans and most people have sweet cravings from time to time.  The normal eater will not panic or get anxious when they get a sweet craving.  In fact, they will readily admit they’re having one since they see no shame in it.  Then they will satisfy it as soon as possible by asking themselves what it is that they want, getting what they want instead of some dissatisfying substitute, and proceed to savor every bite.  Because of how they treat their sweet cravings, however, most of the time they’re able to feel satisfied with a normal portion.
• They have healthy diets – The truth is that just because someone does not appear overweight doesn’t mean that they eat healthily.  In fact, some overweight people eat better than some thinner people.
• They exercise – Unfortunately, most people do not exercise regularly regardless of whether or not they have eating problems.  Sedentary lifestyles are pervasive in our society.
• They eat only when they’re hungry – Although people who don’t have eating and weight problems usually don’t eat when they aren’t hungry, people do sometimes eat when they’re not hungry.  If this were not the case, we wouldn’t have desserts.  Desserts are eaten after a meal – when people are no longer hungry.  Eating when we’re not hungry too frequently can certainly lead to health problems but everyone sometimes eats when they’re not hungry.
• They never gain weight or watch their weight –The truth is that people who are successful managing their weight experience weight fluctuations, too.  It’s normal.  Most people who don’t have eating problems have a weight range that their body goes through as they live out their lives.  However, most of these people don’t focus excessively on it.  They understand that the pattern is normal for them. Typically, the weight shift can be easily attributed to some temporary change in lifestyle (i.e. eating out more or less often, eating or moving more while on vacation, or not having engaged in the usual exercise program). Invariably, the person gets back to their regular lifestyle shifting the weight back to its usual place.  For others, they calmly note the change, its cause, and then consciously set about correcting the behavior that has caused any weight gain by getting back to their healthy lifestyle.
• They never lose control of eating – Although this is generally true, most people have experienced times where they’ve felt out of control with their eating after being ravenously hungry.  Interestingly, a normal eating person might refer to this as simply “pigging out.”  The emotional roller coaster that the binger puts themselves through when they lose control is what makes it a binge.  Feeling a loss of control with eating isn’t seen as a character flaw by the normal eater.  It’s just a function of not having eaten properly to begin with.  In this case, avoiding intense hunger helps prevent the problem in the future.

Understanding that “normal” eaters aren’t perfect eaters can be a relief to those with food and weight problems.  It helps them resolve their eating issues sooner when they know they’re not so different after all.  In fact, the best known professionals in the weight and fitness field don’t do things perfectly themselves.  It may look like they do and they may even suggest that they do, but they don’t.

“Normal” eaters that are mindful of their health pay attention to the behaviors that can take them in the wrong direction with their health and weight.  They do it with a relaxed mind, however.  They use “concern” rather than “self-punishment” and strive for “improvement” rather than “perfection”.  A good average is all that’s necessary.  Expecting that your behaviors be perfect and thinking that you’re different from others because of your imperfections only leads to low self-esteem, frustration, and giving up on achieving health and fitness.  So let’s all strive for good health while accepting our imperfections.  After all, they’re normal.

We’re all busy, so simple ways to improve our diets are in high demand. No
matter how good our intentions, most of us won’t stick with anything that
takes too much time or is burdensome, like rigidly tracking calories,
grams, and servings.  Even health experts don’t follow such regimens
perfectly, never mind for a lifetime.
So the key to making lasting, healthy change is to keep it simple and
enjoyable. Here are few tips to get more nutrition in your life:

•       SHOPPING – Good eating starts with what you buy.  Think of your
grocery cart as the foundation of an artwork or a garden project. So
naturally you’ll want to start with the most colorful foods.
These will be in the produce section.  Have fun with choosing as many
colors of fruits and vegetables as you can to make a beautiful arrangement.
Your cart will be filled with high-fiber, low-fat foods packed with
nutrition.
Bonus: You won’t have much room for those packaged, low-nutrient, colorless
foods from the center aisles of the store.
It’s a good idea also to follow a list and to shop after a meal so you
won’t get distracted by hunger. Stuck waiting at the checkout? Compare the
contents of your cart with others.  If yours is the most colorful, you’re
on the right track.
• FOOD GROUPS – In addition to those colorful fruits and vegetables, you’ll
also need grains, proteins, dairy and healthy fats. An easy way to improve
the quality of your diet is to think about your meals, and whether they
include items from each of the food groups. It’s true that there are
certain numbers of servings recommended for each food group. But don’t get
too wrapped up in counting and measuring if that will only stress you out.
As long as you make fruits and vegetables the stars of your plate, and use
whole grains, lean proteins and no- or low-fat dairy as side dishes, you’ll
be well on your way to better nutrition.

•       COUNT THE COLORS – If you’re going to count anything, let it be the
natural colors of fresh foods — greens, oranges, yellows, purples and reds.
Colorful foods are not only nutritious but they satisfy the mind, too.
Make a game out of seeing how many colors you’ve eaten each day.
•       EXPERIMENT – Even if you think you don’t like red cabbage, orange
peppers or purple eggplant, experiment with them. Maybe it’s been years
since you’ve tried them, or maybe they weren’t well prepared. Try a new
recipe (many grocery produce aisles feature suggestions on preparing exotic
fruits and veggies). Or try tricks that are often prescribed for finicky
kids, such as cutting new-to-you food items in small pieces and mixing them
with more familiar foods. If in the end you still don’t like it, that’s
fine. But you might surprise yourself.
•       EAT IN – When you dine out you have much less control over what you
eat than when you prepare meals at home.  Restaurants are more concerned
with what most people think tastes good, and these days, that often means a
lot of added salt, sugar, and fat.  Spend the time (and money) you would
have spent going out shopping for great food and making delicious food at
home.  Make eating out an occasional activity rather than a lifestyle.
Eating nutritiously is a gradual, personal growth process.  Remember that
nobody’s perfect, not even the experts.  Be colorful, have fun, look for
good-tasting foods that are also good for you, and be aware of what you’re
eating.  With time, while you’re having fun with color, you’ll sense your
body avoiding foods that hamper your health and being drawn toward those
that make your body sing.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

It’s so frustrating to go on a diet and lose weight, only to regain it.
Frustrating, but common — studies show 90 percent of dieting attempts fail.
What can we do to improve our chances?
Despite overwhelming evidence that most diets fail, ever more people are
vulnerable to quick weight loss promises that won’t work in the long run.
Most of these people have histories of going on and off diets, over and
over again.
Diets may be one of the few things that intelligent people will keep trying
even after repeated failures.
What do the lucky 10 percent know about losing weight and keeping it off?
The problem is that people usually confuse weight loss with fat loss.
Actually, the faster the weight is lost, the more likely it is that the
weight lost is water or muscle, not fat. A lot of research has been done
showing that fad diets show particularly dismal results.
But it’s fat that people want to lose and they want to lose it for good —
not to gain it all back and have to start dieting all over again.
So don’t just go on yet another diet. First, stop and think.

•••

If you have a long history of on-and-off dieting it’s time to face the fact
that what you’ve been doing doesn’t work.
Maybe you’ve tried a bunch of diets with different names, like the Low Carb
Diet, the Blood Type Diet, the Grapefruit Diet. But consider what was
similar about them. Did they eliminate particular foods completely? Did
they emphasize fast weight loss? Did they not include exercise?
If you are a first time dieter, learn through the experience of others
rather than following them down the road of fad diets that don’t yield
lasting results.
Preparing yourself psychologically in this way will keep you on the right
track to successful weight loss and maintenance, not just this summer but
every summer from here on out.

•••

If you want this next weight loss attempt to be your final effort because
it actually worked, try these tips:
1. Focus on the behaviors (portion control, increased activity, better
nutrition) that help you lose fat, rather than achieving a weight goal
number.
2. Make sure that you include consistent aerobic exercise in your plan.
3. Don’t set a time limit for your goal. Instead, keep your mind focused on
the forest (the rest of your life) instead of the trees (an upcoming
wedding or bathing suit season).
4. Don’t go on a rigid, stringent, fad diet of any kind. If it sounds
depriving, you need to consider something else.
5. Make sure that the eating and exercise plan you go on is one that you
can follow for the rest of your life. For example, are you really going to
be able to keep buying expensive food through the mail?
6.      Your body has genetic limits. You don’t know if your body will be
able to reach the ultimate weight goal you have in mind. Instead, keep
doing what will make you leaner and healthier and let your body take care
of the weight. It will show you what its best weight is.
7.      Take time to keep your fridge stocked with easy to prepare,
nutritious alternatives.  Get rid of those foods that don’t fit a healthy
lifestyle and fill the fridge with luscious, colorful, fresh foods.  It may
require a stop at the grocery store more often but fresh food actually
requires less cooking — or even no cooking — which saves time in the end.
8. Reinforce, compliment, and pat yourself on the back often.  Stop the
criticism and judgment altogether.  The psychology of weight management is
a key factor that is usually ignored.  If you don’t do the right things
emotionally, psychological barriers will continue to get in your way.
You don’t want to put all that effort into losing weight only to regain it
and more. Let’s do it differently this time.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

Stress is everywhere, and chronic stress is known to be harmful not only to
our emotional health, but also to our physical health. It can affect the
immune system (making us sick more often), the heart (causing high blood
pressure and other heart problems), and muscles (causing problems with
neck, shoulder, and low-back pain), to name just a few concerns.
It can also be linked to overeating, and so contributes to obesity.
Stress eating is a common problem in our fast-paced world, although many
people believe they are alone when it comes to this issue.  In reality,
most people have a tendency to overeat when moderately stressed.  That can
make controlling food portions particularly difficult.
There may be physiological reasons why we tend to eat more and eat certain
types of foods when we are under chronic stress.  For example, research
suggests that certain brain functions linked to chronic stress compel us to
eat. Stress can also compel us to eat faster, potentially increasing the
amount we eat even more.
The types of foods we’re more likely to reach for at times of stress are
the sugary and starchy favorites we might call “comfort foods.’’ These have
properties that affect the brain in soothing ways, making us feel better
and reinforcing eating when we are under stress. So you see — you’re not
alone. It’s just how our bodies are wired to deal with chronic stress.
It’s essential to identify whether stress is driving your overeating. If
you try to control portions with tricks like using smaller plates, but
don’t address the real reason for overeating, such tricks won’t help.
Here’s a quiz to help you decide if it’s stress that’s eating you:
• Do you get irritated over minor things?
• Do you often feel anxious, jittery, and “hyper.”
• Do people get on your nerves often?
• Is it difficult to control your temper.
• Is it hard to focus on and remember things?
• Are you constantly worrying and  thinking about the next thing you have
to do?
If you see yourself in these signs of stress and are having problems with
portion control, there may be a link. We can’t eliminate stress from our
lives but we can learn to manage it.
Here are some tips for reducing stress and portions:
•       Take deep breaths throughout the day, especially before eating.
•       Slow down eating by savoring your food.  Focus on the sight, smell,
and taste of your meal before swallowing it.
•       Try to be mindful if you find yourself feeling “hyper” and
purposefully slow down your movements and actions.  You’ll find that you’ll
still get plenty done.
•       Look at the big picture. Remind yourself of what’s really important
in your life.  Perhaps what you’re worrying about really isn’t as important
as you think.
•       Remind yourself of what chronic stress can do to your health.
•       Manage hunger by eating sensible meals on a regular schedule. Being
hungry just adds to any other stress you’re carrying around and causes more
overeating.
•       Watch the servings. A brain under stress thinks it needs more food
than the body really demands. So, if stressed, serve less than your brain
is telling you.  Wait 20 minutes after having eaten slowly. If you’re still
hungry, have a little more and savor that, too.
• Exercise has repeatedly been shown not only to be a great fat-burner but
also a highly effective stress buster and appetite reducer. Make the time
to use this powerful health tool.
• Do something relaxing every day. Sit outside, meditate, practice yoga,
play – do anything that makes you feel at peace, comfortable, and focused
on the present moment.
Take a deep breath, address the stress in your life, and start on the road
to a healthier lifestyle and natural portion control.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

It’s good to learn from our mistakes.  The more we pay attention to what
we’ve done wrong in the past the more successful we’ll be in the future.
This is certainly true when it comes to weight loss and fitness.  And, for
some reason, when it comes to dealing with weight, many people put their
blinders on and don’t look back to see what they’ve done wrong. This only
leads to a seemingly endless cycle of failures.  It’s no wonder most
dieters are frustrated, anxious, and often hungry.
I believe people ought to try to become better consumers of dieting
information just as they try to be careful when it comes to buying
electronics, baby car seats or hair straighteners.  In 2011, wouldn’t it be
nice to stop being frustrated and confused by all the weight loss diets and
products that are thrown at you daily?
With this in mind, I have put together a list of the Top 10 dieting
mistakes I see people make over and over again. If you notice that any of
them apply to you, try to focus on correcting these barriers to your
fitness, and see what kind of progress you can make.
1.      Looking for quick fixes through fad diets. The mind tends to resist
when it feels deprived, and the result is loss of control over food.  The
body needs the right nutrition to function well, and without it,
fat-burning can slow down so that you hang on to fat instead of releasing
it. Quick test: If you can’t picture yourself following the plan for a
lifetime, don’t bother for even a few weeks.
2.      No regular exercise. The people who are most successful with weight
and fitness tend to be active on a regular basis, yet most dieters don’t
take advantage of this wonderful tool.
3.      Undereating. The body has a wonderful ability to slow down its
metabolism when it’s not getting enough fuel to function.  Undereating
means losing fat more slowly, and when normal eating resumes, putting it
back on faster.
4.      Skipping meals. Going without food for too long can result in
overeating due to ravenous hunger and a slower metabolism.  Consider
smaller portions, four or five times a day.
5.      Drinking too many calories and not drinking enough water. Liquid
calories count just as much as the solid variety, only they don’t satisfy
you. On the other hand, not drinking enough water can lead to thirst that
can be confused for hunger.  But being hydrated helps the body perform all
its tasks more efficiently — including fat burning.
6.      Getting too hungry. If you want to control your food intake properly,
a good trick is to not allow hunger to go beyond a “3” on a scale from 0 to
5 (0=no hunger, 5=ravenous).
7.      Eating late at night. At night our body starts to slow down,
readying itself for sleep. Metabolism slows and any calories eaten are more
likely to be stored as fat.  Try to eat your last meal by 6 p.m.  If you
get hungry later it probably means you didn’t eat enough during the day.
Pay attention to hunger at night by eating a light snack but then focus on
eating properly the next day to avoid late night hunger.
8.      Not eating breakfast. After many hours without food the body is
ready to be fed and start burning.  Not eating breakfast keeps metabolism
low, which is why numerous studies show the most successful dieters don’t
skip this meal.  If you think you can’t eat in the morning, start with
small quantities and slowly increase your intake until you are eating an
adequate amount.
9.      Over-focusing on weight and food. This kind of preoccupation with
food can increase cravings to eat. So put the focus where it counts – on
the behaviors of increasing quality of eating and activity level.
10.     Thinking negatively. Judging yourself harshly is self-defeating. Not
only does it affect motivation, but it increases stress levels, leading to
overeating. Instead, pat yourself on the back for every small step forward.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

Last time in Personal Best, I invited readers to send in their questions about weight control over the holidays. Here are three of the main issues I kept hearing about; maybe you’ll see your own situation in one (or more) of them.

I intend to control my eating during the holidays but always fail. Why?

There are two main reasons why people continually fail at losing weight or controlling their eating during the holidays. First, most people take a short-term approach, by which I mean a fad diet.

Sure, weight is lost on fad diets. But as soon as the diet is over (and you can bet it will be because of its rigid characteristics) the dieter reverts to the old ways that caused the weight gain in the first place. Fad diets don’t teach you to change your habitual ways and the next holiday season will find you in the same fix.

The second reason most people fail at controlling their eating during the holidays is purely psychological. Instead of focusing on positive mental statements that are flexible and encouraging (such as, “I want to strive to increase the veggies I eat at the holiday dinner and I want to take a relaxing walk each day”), they fill their brains with anxiety-filled, negative statements that make them so stressed that they become more preoccupied with food (such as, “I won’t eat anything all day long until the holiday meal and then I’ll only allow myself some salad and turkey”). Such unrealistic and rigid expectations only set you up to fail.

It makes better sense to relax, set easy-to-follow goals and strive to meet them daily. What’s important is your entire life, not just the holidays. Adopt this attitude, and you’ll never have to stress about eating during the holidays again.

I’ve tried every diet under the sun but I can’t find any self-discipline. What do other people have that I don’t?

Nothing. Most people who think they don’t have self-discipline with food can see that they do have it in other areas of their lives. So self-discipline is not the problem.

It’s not what’s different about you, but, rather, what is the same. Most of us rebel when we are deprived, because our brains automatically protect us from deprivation.

If you deprive yourself entirely of the food you most enjoy (as many fad dieters do), your mind will think about that food more and you’ll end up losing control with it. That’s why, when you fall off a fad diet, the food you go to first is the very one you were denying yourself.

So, self-discipline can actually backfire. Instead, learn to enjoy your favorite foods in smaller quantities.

I don’t like to exercise. How can I lose weight without exercising?

If you want to lose weight permanently, try reframing your question to ask, “How can I learn to think more positively about exercise so that I will do it?” Exercise is not supposed to be difficult, boring, painful or burdensome. If it is, you’re not doing it right.

First, find something that you consider “fun” rather than “exercise” (examples might be dancing or taking a nature walk). Next, think frequency rather than intensity. Doing the activity often rather than intensely will have more impact on fat-burning and you’ll keep doing it. Finally, start with a goal that doesn’t feel too tough, one you feel you can do.

If you haven’t taken a walk in years, try just walking to the corner and back. If you like dancing, try dancing to your favorite music for five minutes each day. Once you’ve shown yourself you can achieve those goals, add a short distance or a little time to the activity as you get more fit and find it easier to do.

People who are active lose more weight and those that stay active keep it off. Instead of thinking, “I can’t do this!” think, “How can I do this?” Encourage your mind to be more creative and find solutions instead of giving up.

Lavinia Rodriguez, Ph.D., is a Tampa clinical psychologist who specializes in weight management. She can be reached at (813) 240-9557

for help

If you’re facing any weight-management challenges this holiday season, Dr. Rodriguez wants to help. Please e-mail your question to her at DrRod@FatMatters.com.

Previously published in The St. Petersburg Times 12-2-10

The holiday season should be filled with joy and fun. But many people approach this time of year fearing weight gain, stress and guilt. What a shame!

True, there is an abundance of tempting food available this time of year. But feeling guilty will never prevent us from getting out of control with food. If you want to get through the holidays without feeling like you’ve failed again, the first thing to do is to shed the shame.

Why? Most people believe that guilt is a useful emotion that keeps “bad” behaviors in check. With eating in particular, too many people believe that beating themselves up will keep them on the right track of avoiding temptation and preventing weight gain.

Wrong!

Concern is a useful emotion. But guilt and shame take concern to the extreme, producing stress, anger, depression, anxiety and a general feeling of being overwhelmed.

Put it all together, and it’s easy to slip into feeling like you’re stewing in your own juices. You just swirl around in this murky concoction that you’ve created and can’t get out of it. Instead of being motivated, you feel stuck. From here you’re more likely to want to give up — leading to more eating and less control.

So now you may see why I’m convinced more weight is gained during the holidays because of guilt rather than too much food being available.

Guilt and shame about eating during the holidays are like Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol: They take all the fun and joy out of the season. By being stuck in our negative, emotional vortex, we can’t focus on the significance of having our loved ones near us, savoring traditional tastes, or the joy of giving and receiving.

But how do we keep guilt from getting in the way of our intentions to eat well, enjoy the holidays, and avoid weight gain? Try these tips on for size:

• Use concern, not guilt. Try to focus on a relaxed feeling of concern. It’s okay to strive to eat proper portions. But use your head to come up with creative ideas of how to do it instead of worrying about failing.

• Keep stress down. Stress can make anybody overeat and gain weight. Think about all the things you do during the holidays that produce stress but may not be as important as you think. For example, perhaps you don’t need to cook all the dishes for the holiday meal from scratch or make them all yourself. Be smart and delegate some of the activities or eliminate some altogether. Make the holidays simpler for yourself and you’ll reduce stress and eat less.

• Take the focus off food. Think of activities for yourself and your family that don’t involve food. Perhaps everyone can go see a performance, go bike riding on one of our beautiful trails, or set up a fun game of bocce or croquet in the back yard.

• Stay active for the fun of it. The more active you are during the holidays, the less you’ll eat and the more fat you’ll burn. And come up with activities you want to do — maybe dancing suits you better than walking. When we think of pleasing reasons to do something, we want to do more of it.

• Savor your favorites. Don’t bother with foods that you can have any time. Pick what you find special and delicious, taking your time to relax and savor each bite. Your brain will feel satisfied sooner and you will eat less.

• Keep hunger in check. Use a rating scale of 0 (no hunger) to 5 (famished) to rate your hunger as you go through each day. Don’t let your hunger get beyond a 3 before eating again. When we get too hungry we eat more and feel out of control.

• Sample. Small quantities of many colorful tastes will fill up a plate and satisfy the brain, while helping you avoid the familiar holiday “stuffed” feeling.

Lavinia Rodriguez, Ph.D., is a Tampa clinical psychologist who specializes in weight management. She can be reached at (813) 240-9557 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              (813) 240-9557      end_of_the_skype_highlighting or drrod@fatmatters.com. Her book, “Mind Over Fat Matters: Conquering Psychological Barriers to Weight Management,” is available at FatMatters.com.

FOR HELP

If you’re facing any weight management challenges this holiday season, Dr. Rodriguez wants to help. Please email your question to her at DrRod@FatMatters.com, or mail it to Personal Best, St. Petersburg Times, P.O. Box 1121, St. Petersburg, FL 33731.