Do you have a sincere desire to become more fit and healthy in 2012, but the idea of exercising outdoors or in a public gym brings you to a dead stop?

Many people who are self-conscious about their size or fitness level find it uncomfortable or even distressing to exercise in public. Maybe they believe that others are looking at them critically. They might think they don’t fit in with fit people. They may even fear someone is going to say something insulting to them.

It’s common to put off walking around the neighborhood or joining a gym, thinking, “When I lose weight I’ll get out there and start training.”

Invariably, that day never comes. Few people can manage their weight without incorporating exercise. Most likely more weight is gained and more precious health is compromised.

Because of society’s bias when it comes to weight, it’s understandable why many people have such fear of exercising in public. Yet most of the beliefs that keep people from moving forward with their fitness are just that – beliefs. Here are some points that are closer to the truth:

. More often than not, people are too concerned about themselves to worry about those around them. In fact, the person whose opinion you fear may herself worry about what others are thinking about her. More likely, however, she’s thinking about other things entirely.

. You are not a mind reader. So you could be completely wrong in your beliefs about what others think, yet you’re allowing those beliefs to rule your life.

. It’s not other people’s thoughts that make us feel bad, it’s our own. It’s important to realize that it’s your own thinking that’s in your way, not the thinking of others.

. Even if you were openly ridiculed early in life because of weight, that experience does not have to rule your life any longer. It was unacceptable for anyone to mock you as a child; it’s equally unacceptable for you to keep ridiculing yourself. Everyone has the right to pursue health and happiness, so it’s important to treat yourself the way you wish to be treated by others.

As a young psychologist, I worked with a very large patient whom I will never forget – not because of his size, but because of his determination. We not only worked on his fitness by walking together, we worked on his thinking about exercising in public.

He wanted to participate in an organized 5K run, but he didn’t want to wait until he was thin. Instead, he decided to train and run it at whatever weight he was on the day of the race.

He was larger than most of the runners. There was no getting around the fact that people would look at him: Race spectators are there to watch the runners.

We jogged and walked for the entire 5K, and we did attract attention.

But it was all positive. Everyone was cheering him on and, in the end, he got his picture in the paper, a ribbon, and a huge amount of pride in himself. Mostly, he felt pride for not letting the thoughts of others keep him from doing what he wanted to do with his life.

So, if worrying about what others think of you is keeping you from being as active as you wish to be, explore your thoughts and beliefs and work at turning them around so that they no longer get in your way. Focus on your goal, be proud of yourself for working on it, and enjoy every minute of it. Let others take care of themselves.

Previously published in St. Petersburg Times

“I can’t seem to get enough motivation to exercise.”  Motivation is something that people find to be mysterious and out of reach – especially when it comes to being able to exercise consistently, instead of in the start-and-stop fashion that many people find so frustrating and defeating.

Yet, having the motivation to exercise isn’t as mysterious as it’s believed to be.  It’s within everyone’s reach.  It’s just that people tend to look for it in the wrong places and have expectations that immediately put them at a disadvantage before they’ve even begun to exercise.

In my experience, the three most common reasons why people have difficulty finding motivation to exercise are the following:

1. They think exercise has to be more intense than it has to be.  “When I lose weight I’ll be able to exercise the way it should be done.”  Barring any medical reason why you’ve been advised not to, exercise can be done anytime and at any body size as long as you realize that the only requirement is that you move consistently, frequently, and easily.  You don’t have to perform any particular type of exercise.  You don’t have to exercise at any particular speed or intensity.  You simply start from your current fitness level and “move” more than that level.  Exercise should not be a strain or feel painful.  If it is, it’s too intense.  So ease up a little, but keep moving until you’ve reached a level where it feels comfortable. For example, if you’re walking at a speed that feels too difficult, uncomfortable, or unenjoyable, slow down until it feels like you’re working harder than usual but it also feels relatively easy.

If you think of exercise as having to be something that’s intense, it’s logical that your mind won’t want to do it.  No one wants to do something that seems overwhelming.  It should be no big surprise, then, that you would resist anything that feels out of reach.  Make it reachable and you’ll keep doing it. It doesn’t matter how simple the activity seems compared to what you see other people do.  If you start at your level, you’ll want to keep doing it.  There will be opportunities to increase intensity later and you’ll still feel comfortable.

2. They think they have few options with exercise and none appeal to them.  Instead, exercise can be whatever you want it to be as long as you move consistently.  You do not have to be a runner, a walker, or a gym person.  Perhaps you’re more of a dancer, a rope jumper, a hiker, a stair climber, or like to jump up and down while watching TV.  You pick the exercise – whatever it is.  Make it your own and you’ll be more likely to want to stay with it because you’ll like it.

3. They only want to exercise to lose weight.  Weight loss alone is not a good motivator because of the short-term nature of it.  If your brain isn’t thinking past losing weight, what will be the incentive to keep being active for the rest of your life?  The person needs to find a long-term reason to exercise in addition to weight control.  The best motivating approach is one which includes a life-time goal of health and fitness mixed with short-term goals that are directly related to the long-term goal.  For instance, frequently reminding yourself that the main reason for exercising is to achieve older age without diabetes, cholesterol, or blood pressure problems like too many people have today, can keep the larger and more important picture in focus.  Try to imagine how the exercise you’re doing each day is insuring that your muscles stay strong enough to allow you to get around independently or  look healthy and strong at any age.

Within this global focus you can have short-term goals that give you an extra push – like walking a little further or lifting a heavier weight today.  With any goal, however, attitude is everything so keep challenges fun and achievable.

Remember, being fit and lean are both important for health, but if you’re only focusing on the number on a scale you’re missing the point as well as the motivation that will keep you wanting to exercise.

In short, motivation is the feeling of wanting to approach something because we imagine it to be a good thing.  Nothing destroys motivation faster than anticipating something negative or even torturous.  It’s human nature to avoid such negative things.

However, the human brain is intelligent and it can think about pleasurable things, also.  So use that wonderful brain and create your own enjoyable ways to move more in your life.  You’ll be surprised how quickly motivation will appear.

By Lavinia Rodriguez, Ph.D.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

Do people tend to gain weight after they “settle down” with a romantic partner?  This is a question that interests some researchers.  While there are still questions to be answered about this issue, a number of studies have found that obesity appears to be associated with romantic couples living together (married or not) and that there is a stronger association the longer the couple has lived together.

A study done in 2009 suggested that this relationship has less to do with having traits in common and more to do with environment.  The researchers found that living with a romantic partner for two or more years was correlated with obesity and sedentary behavior.

I don’t think this is terribly surprising to most people.  However, studies that find relationships like these don’t mean that weight gain and obesity are an inevitable part of living with the one you love.  It does mean that if you don’t want to be one of the statistics, you have to put some serious thought and work into the matter.

Creating a lifestyle of activity, nutritious eating, health, and weight management as a couple isn’t easy within our fast-paced, sedentary, and fast food-laden culture but, if it’s important to you, it’s, without a doubt, possible.

That’s exactly what my husband and I did when we got married and started a home-life together. We’ve lived together 13 years.  We have jobs that require a considerable amount of sitting – much like many other Americans.  These jobs, added to the other characteristics of the typical American lifestyle (such as amount of time required to drive to destinations, household time-saving devices like washers and dryers, and sedentary leisure activities such as television and the internet) would definitely get in the way of our health and fitness if we didn’t make sure that they didn’t.

Oftentimes, we hear ourselves say that we don’t have time to take better care of ourselves or that we have too many responsibilities to have the time to be fit.  When it comes to health and fitness, however, few people HAVE the time.  It must be important enough for us to make it a priority – important enough to make us WANT to MAKE the time.  Sure it will take some creativity and habit changing.  And maybe other people might not like our decision.  But, the time won’t magically appear and wishing won’t make it happen either.

Once you’ve made that decision, however, you can have a wonderful adventure together and, not only will you get leaner and healthier, but your relationship can be enhanced by it, also.

Here are some things that my hubby and I do to keep ourselves lean and healthy instead of growing fat and, maybe, sick together:

• Eating: We strive to improve eating by learning about cooking and shopping for nutritious foods.  We share the responsibility of grocery shopping, maintaining a grocery list, and shopping often enough to have good choices around.  We look for fast, easy ways to make nutritious meals.  Each specializes in dishes that contribute to the household.  My husband makes the hummus and salads.  I make pasta sauce, bread, and health cookies.
• Exercise:  We take a daily one-hour walk and make sure we leave time for it in our busy schedules.  This is when we talk about our day and future plans.  It’s a great way to have quality relationship time.  In addition, we each have individual exercise time.  He has a particular muscle strengthening routine and I have mine.  And we support and praise each other’s efforts.
• Leisure: We like to watch some TV programs but often use TV time to do catch up on other activities.  Commercials are good times to get clothes washed, dried, and folded, for example, and stretching can be done while watching a program. Sure, we sometimes just “veg out” but it’s not most of the time.
• Hobbies-I’ve been a gardener for years and now my husband has discovered the joys of gardening.  We split responsibilities in the yard and take walks through the garden to view our handy-work. Gardening is active but provides a lot of relaxation at the same time.
• Vacations –We prefer trips to places where we can hike and locations where we can walk a lot rather than ones where the focus is on eating.   Even airport time can be made more active by taking a walk around the airport together (or separately while one watches the luggage) instead sitting for hours at the gates.

You and your spouse don’t have to do things exactly as we do, but if you start with realizing that it’s up to you to make the initial decision and follow it with creativity, you won’t be one of the statistics.  And what if your spouse won’t join you down the road to health?  Well, don’t let that stop you.  Do it anyway.  Your spouse may join you later when he or she sees what it’s doing for you.

Starting an exercise program — and sticking with it — is all about knowing yourself.
Especially with beach season upon us, plenty of people are thinking about picking up yet another shape-up routine.
Others don’t need to start exercising, because they’ve never stopped moving, but you probably don’t hear from them so much. Why? They consider their exercise routine as daily hygiene, almost like you would brush your teeth or take a shower. Sure, they might miss a session every now and then. They are not perfect, but they’re not trying to be perfect either.  They’re focusing on a good average, not a perfect score.
Plus, consistent exercisers aren’t all about the short-term goal. They intend to be active today, tomorrow, and forever.
Who are they? Maybe the lone runner or walker you seem to pass every day. Or the person who’s at the gym whenever you are there, too. Or maybe it’s the tennis player you regularly see at your neighborhood courts.
What do these people have that others don’t?  Nothing that anyone can’t acquire. Here are few ideas to help you to adopt — permanently — the attitudes and behaviors of consistent exercisers:
• Choose activities you like. Recognize that you can change your mind whenever you like.  You can do the same thing every day until you’re tired of it, or you can do something different every day of the week. It’s up to you. Just keep moving. Understand that over a lifetime, you’ll go through changes that will require you to switch things up. Maybe you suffer an injury, you get ill, or you’re just tired of the same old same old. Be ready to roll with what life brings you.
• Train your brain to think realistically. There’s no room for perfectionistic thinking if your goal is to be active, long-term.  Strive for a good average rather than a perfect score.  For example, your average improves when you decide to do part of your workout if you’re strapped for time instead of skipping exercise altogether.
• Develop the art of not giving up.  Imagine yourself staying active throughout your life.   Knowing that life has its challenges, you can decide that you will always work at figuring out any problems rather than giving up.  Keep the mind flexible and it will be a good problem solver.
• Provide incentives that make sense.  A lifetime of healthful exercise requires both short- and long-term goals, not short-term goals alone.  Starting to exercise in order to train for a race is good, but if that’s your only goal, it’s more likely there won’t be an incentive strong enough to keep you moving after the race.  Try a meaningful long-term goal such as, “I want to stay active so that I can stay independent in my older years.’’ Then add to that many short-term goals, such as “I want to learn to dance salsa,” “I want to run a 10K,” or “I want to increase my walking pace.’’ The combination of long and short-term goals keeps the brain focused on wanting to move.
• Don’t make losing weight the primary goal. This is the most common reason people use for starting an exercise program but it just doesn’t work long-term. Include weight management on your list of reasons to exercise but don’t put it at the top of the list. Put health and happiness at the top of your list.  Perhaps daily exercise helps you reduce your stress level or helps control your diabetes.  It may keep you limber so that you can continue your passion to garden into your old age. These kinds of priorities are far more likely to keep you moving.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

Stress is everywhere, and chronic stress is known to be harmful not only to
our emotional health, but also to our physical health. It can affect the
immune system (making us sick more often), the heart (causing high blood
pressure and other heart problems), and muscles (causing problems with
neck, shoulder, and low-back pain), to name just a few concerns.
It can also be linked to overeating, and so contributes to obesity.
Stress eating is a common problem in our fast-paced world, although many
people believe they are alone when it comes to this issue.  In reality,
most people have a tendency to overeat when moderately stressed.  That can
make controlling food portions particularly difficult.
There may be physiological reasons why we tend to eat more and eat certain
types of foods when we are under chronic stress.  For example, research
suggests that certain brain functions linked to chronic stress compel us to
eat. Stress can also compel us to eat faster, potentially increasing the
amount we eat even more.
The types of foods we’re more likely to reach for at times of stress are
the sugary and starchy favorites we might call “comfort foods.’’ These have
properties that affect the brain in soothing ways, making us feel better
and reinforcing eating when we are under stress. So you see — you’re not
alone. It’s just how our bodies are wired to deal with chronic stress.
It’s essential to identify whether stress is driving your overeating. If
you try to control portions with tricks like using smaller plates, but
don’t address the real reason for overeating, such tricks won’t help.
Here’s a quiz to help you decide if it’s stress that’s eating you:
• Do you get irritated over minor things?
• Do you often feel anxious, jittery, and “hyper.”
• Do people get on your nerves often?
• Is it difficult to control your temper.
• Is it hard to focus on and remember things?
• Are you constantly worrying and  thinking about the next thing you have
to do?
If you see yourself in these signs of stress and are having problems with
portion control, there may be a link. We can’t eliminate stress from our
lives but we can learn to manage it.
Here are some tips for reducing stress and portions:
•       Take deep breaths throughout the day, especially before eating.
•       Slow down eating by savoring your food.  Focus on the sight, smell,
and taste of your meal before swallowing it.
•       Try to be mindful if you find yourself feeling “hyper” and
purposefully slow down your movements and actions.  You’ll find that you’ll
still get plenty done.
•       Look at the big picture. Remind yourself of what’s really important
in your life.  Perhaps what you’re worrying about really isn’t as important
as you think.
•       Remind yourself of what chronic stress can do to your health.
•       Manage hunger by eating sensible meals on a regular schedule. Being
hungry just adds to any other stress you’re carrying around and causes more
overeating.
•       Watch the servings. A brain under stress thinks it needs more food
than the body really demands. So, if stressed, serve less than your brain
is telling you.  Wait 20 minutes after having eaten slowly. If you’re still
hungry, have a little more and savor that, too.
• Exercise has repeatedly been shown not only to be a great fat-burner but
also a highly effective stress buster and appetite reducer. Make the time
to use this powerful health tool.
• Do something relaxing every day. Sit outside, meditate, practice yoga,
play – do anything that makes you feel at peace, comfortable, and focused
on the present moment.
Take a deep breath, address the stress in your life, and start on the road
to a healthier lifestyle and natural portion control.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

It’s good to learn from our mistakes.  The more we pay attention to what
we’ve done wrong in the past the more successful we’ll be in the future.
This is certainly true when it comes to weight loss and fitness.  And, for
some reason, when it comes to dealing with weight, many people put their
blinders on and don’t look back to see what they’ve done wrong. This only
leads to a seemingly endless cycle of failures.  It’s no wonder most
dieters are frustrated, anxious, and often hungry.
I believe people ought to try to become better consumers of dieting
information just as they try to be careful when it comes to buying
electronics, baby car seats or hair straighteners.  In 2011, wouldn’t it be
nice to stop being frustrated and confused by all the weight loss diets and
products that are thrown at you daily?
With this in mind, I have put together a list of the Top 10 dieting
mistakes I see people make over and over again. If you notice that any of
them apply to you, try to focus on correcting these barriers to your
fitness, and see what kind of progress you can make.
1.      Looking for quick fixes through fad diets. The mind tends to resist
when it feels deprived, and the result is loss of control over food.  The
body needs the right nutrition to function well, and without it,
fat-burning can slow down so that you hang on to fat instead of releasing
it. Quick test: If you can’t picture yourself following the plan for a
lifetime, don’t bother for even a few weeks.
2.      No regular exercise. The people who are most successful with weight
and fitness tend to be active on a regular basis, yet most dieters don’t
take advantage of this wonderful tool.
3.      Undereating. The body has a wonderful ability to slow down its
metabolism when it’s not getting enough fuel to function.  Undereating
means losing fat more slowly, and when normal eating resumes, putting it
back on faster.
4.      Skipping meals. Going without food for too long can result in
overeating due to ravenous hunger and a slower metabolism.  Consider
smaller portions, four or five times a day.
5.      Drinking too many calories and not drinking enough water. Liquid
calories count just as much as the solid variety, only they don’t satisfy
you. On the other hand, not drinking enough water can lead to thirst that
can be confused for hunger.  But being hydrated helps the body perform all
its tasks more efficiently — including fat burning.
6.      Getting too hungry. If you want to control your food intake properly,
a good trick is to not allow hunger to go beyond a “3” on a scale from 0 to
5 (0=no hunger, 5=ravenous).
7.      Eating late at night. At night our body starts to slow down,
readying itself for sleep. Metabolism slows and any calories eaten are more
likely to be stored as fat.  Try to eat your last meal by 6 p.m.  If you
get hungry later it probably means you didn’t eat enough during the day.
Pay attention to hunger at night by eating a light snack but then focus on
eating properly the next day to avoid late night hunger.
8.      Not eating breakfast. After many hours without food the body is
ready to be fed and start burning.  Not eating breakfast keeps metabolism
low, which is why numerous studies show the most successful dieters don’t
skip this meal.  If you think you can’t eat in the morning, start with
small quantities and slowly increase your intake until you are eating an
adequate amount.
9.      Over-focusing on weight and food. This kind of preoccupation with
food can increase cravings to eat. So put the focus where it counts – on
the behaviors of increasing quality of eating and activity level.
10.     Thinking negatively. Judging yourself harshly is self-defeating. Not
only does it affect motivation, but it increases stress levels, leading to
overeating. Instead, pat yourself on the back for every small step forward.

Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times

If the commercials, the talk show hosts, and the annual crop of new diets
are to be believed, making a resolution to lose weight during the new year
is not only a good idea, it’s mandatory.
Resolutions imply sincere intent and motivation to make it happen this
time. But if there’s ever a time to look to the past before planning for
the future, it’s before you make another resolution to lose weight.
A recent study of weight gain during the holidays found that the average
weight gain from mid-November to mid-January was less than a pound. Fewer
than 10 percent of the study participants gained five pounds or more.
Although this doesn’t sound bad, the trouble is that the pounds that are
gained tend to stick around, only to be joined by more the following year.
So if you’ve made a resolution, as yourself a few questions:
• Have I made this resolution before?
• How many times have I made this resolution?
• Has it ever worked?
If you think it did work — until you regained the weight — I’d ask you to
think again. Success is not about how much weight is lost in a specific
time frame; it’s about losing the weight and not regaining it.  It’s about
managing weight well for a lifetime.
So why don’t most New Year’s resolutions about weight work?
• Most resolutions about weight are about the weight itself (“I’m going to
lose 20 pounds,” “I’m going to fit into my wedding dress”) rather than the
behaviors that will produce weight loss such as exercise, eating
nutritiously and reducing portions.
• Most resolutions about weight are followed by diets that don’t work
because they cannot be followed for the long haul.  It’s no wonder that 90
percent of dieting attempts fail.
• When deadlines are set for weight loss, the focus is temporary and so
will be the weight loss.
Now, I do think there is a place for resolutions. It is good to take stock
of our lives periodically and the New Year provides a reminder to do just
that. It’s time to stop spinning your wheels and approach life in ways that
are positive, long-lasting (even if not fast), and logical. Here are some
tips:
•       Set goals about behaviors, not numbers (e.g. “I want to work on
increasing my exercise,” “I want to take a class to learn to eat more
nutritiously,” “I want to focus on increasing the veggies and fruit that I
eat”).
•       Set specific but small goals that are gradually increased.  For
example, “I want to add one more day of exercise each week until I reach at
least six days per week.”  “I will make a list of different activities that
I want to try for exercise and I will try a different one each week.”
•       Forget about perfection.  Perfectionism leads to loss of control and
failure.  Instead, be ready to learn, accept setbacks, but continue on.
It’s about a lifetime of managing weight successfully, not about yo-yo
dieting for the rest of your life.
So, what’s the best resolution to set this New Year?  It’s the one that
says, “I resolve not to set useless resolutions that don’t work.” Sit down
and think of smart ways of striving to change your lifestyle gradually so
that the efforts stick. Need suggestions? Check out my blog at
www.FatMatters.com, where you’ll find more than 65 articles on the subject.

This article was published in the St. Petersburg Times 1-1-11

I received so many good questions from readers about weight and exercise during the holidays, I’m devoting another column to the subject.

Next time we’ll tackle the thorny issue of New Year’s resolutions.

Determine what’s behind urge to binge

I have problems with binging and the holidays make it worse. What can I do about it?

A binge is different from overeating. When we overeat, we’re just eating more than our bodies need for the day. With binging, the eating is accompanied by emotions such as anxiety, fear and a feeling of being totally out of control. The binger doesn’t want to eat but feels compelled to. He or she tries to keep from eating. But the harder they try, the likelier it is that they will break down and eat uncontrollably.

Contrary to simple overeating, the binger’s eating is rapid, without savoring the food. Rather than enjoyment, the binger just experiences relief from the effort of trying to stay in control – but not for long. Guilt and shame follow the binge.

Overeaters, on the other hand, enjoy food and stop when they don’t want any more. Bingers stop only after they can’t fit any more food into their stomachs, or they feel forced to hide their behavior.

While overeating is common during the holidays, the binger has particular problems during these times. Fear about losing control of eating goes up, both because the foods they forbid themselves are more available, and because they are putting an inordinate amount of pressure on themselves about eating and appearance during this time. Bingers tend to be perfectionists, expecting superhuman things from themselves. No one is able to withstand this kind of pressure without breaking down in some way.

The way to get rid of binging is not to find the “right” diet or focus more on food, but rather to address the causes of binging. Psychological barriers and rigid, cyclical dieting are at the core. Binging behavior can be a symptom of an eating disorder that requires professional assistance to overcome.

For now, understand that it’s not your fault. The best thing to do is to let up the pressure on yourself during the holidays. Use this time to do research about binging and find a professional that can guide you through ridding yourself of the problem once and for all. It’s not about weight loss or food and it’s not about self-discipline. It’s about getting natural control over food back in your life. You might start by getting information from my blog, www.FatMatters.com.

Eliminate barriers to exercise

I find it either too hot or too cold here in Florida to exercise regularly. Do you have any suggestions?

Central Florida has beautiful weather, but it can have long stretches of very hot weather – and as we’ve seen this past week, cold spells, too. The first step is to decide that you want to have a lifestyle that includes consistent exercise. If you don’t want it, you’ll find excuses not to do it. But, if you really want it, you’ll find ways around any difficulty. Make activity a priority in your life and leave room for it on your schedule.

Secondly, think about everything that can interfere with exercising outside – rain, cold and heat – and make sure that you have tools to address those obstacles. For example, good rain gear will allow you to walk in the rain. Have a piece of equipment in your house that you can use on those days when it’s too dangerous to be outside (like when there’s lightning). It can be as fancy as an elliptical machine or as simple as a set of resistance bands. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s ready to use, no assembly required. Learn how to layer clothing for cold days so you can gradually remove layers if you feel too warm; on hot days, plan to get outside early, before the sun heats things up.

Finally, find something that will make activity even more enjoyable, such as listening to your favorite music or podcast. I’m sure that if someone offered you a million dollars to exercise outside every day for three months, you’d find ways to deal with the weather. Find the incentive and the solutions will come to you.

by Lavinia Rodriguez, Ph.D.

Previously published in St. Petersburg Times
December 16, 2010

Last time in Personal Best, I invited readers to send in their questions about weight control over the holidays. Here are three of the main issues I kept hearing about; maybe you’ll see your own situation in one (or more) of them.

I intend to control my eating during the holidays but always fail. Why?

There are two main reasons why people continually fail at losing weight or controlling their eating during the holidays. First, most people take a short-term approach, by which I mean a fad diet.

Sure, weight is lost on fad diets. But as soon as the diet is over (and you can bet it will be because of its rigid characteristics) the dieter reverts to the old ways that caused the weight gain in the first place. Fad diets don’t teach you to change your habitual ways and the next holiday season will find you in the same fix.

The second reason most people fail at controlling their eating during the holidays is purely psychological. Instead of focusing on positive mental statements that are flexible and encouraging (such as, “I want to strive to increase the veggies I eat at the holiday dinner and I want to take a relaxing walk each day”), they fill their brains with anxiety-filled, negative statements that make them so stressed that they become more preoccupied with food (such as, “I won’t eat anything all day long until the holiday meal and then I’ll only allow myself some salad and turkey”). Such unrealistic and rigid expectations only set you up to fail.

It makes better sense to relax, set easy-to-follow goals and strive to meet them daily. What’s important is your entire life, not just the holidays. Adopt this attitude, and you’ll never have to stress about eating during the holidays again.

I’ve tried every diet under the sun but I can’t find any self-discipline. What do other people have that I don’t?

Nothing. Most people who think they don’t have self-discipline with food can see that they do have it in other areas of their lives. So self-discipline is not the problem.

It’s not what’s different about you, but, rather, what is the same. Most of us rebel when we are deprived, because our brains automatically protect us from deprivation.

If you deprive yourself entirely of the food you most enjoy (as many fad dieters do), your mind will think about that food more and you’ll end up losing control with it. That’s why, when you fall off a fad diet, the food you go to first is the very one you were denying yourself.

So, self-discipline can actually backfire. Instead, learn to enjoy your favorite foods in smaller quantities.

I don’t like to exercise. How can I lose weight without exercising?

If you want to lose weight permanently, try reframing your question to ask, “How can I learn to think more positively about exercise so that I will do it?” Exercise is not supposed to be difficult, boring, painful or burdensome. If it is, you’re not doing it right.

First, find something that you consider “fun” rather than “exercise” (examples might be dancing or taking a nature walk). Next, think frequency rather than intensity. Doing the activity often rather than intensely will have more impact on fat-burning and you’ll keep doing it. Finally, start with a goal that doesn’t feel too tough, one you feel you can do.

If you haven’t taken a walk in years, try just walking to the corner and back. If you like dancing, try dancing to your favorite music for five minutes each day. Once you’ve shown yourself you can achieve those goals, add a short distance or a little time to the activity as you get more fit and find it easier to do.

People who are active lose more weight and those that stay active keep it off. Instead of thinking, “I can’t do this!” think, “How can I do this?” Encourage your mind to be more creative and find solutions instead of giving up.

Lavinia Rodriguez, Ph.D., is a Tampa clinical psychologist who specializes in weight management. She can be reached at (813) 240-9557

for help

If you’re facing any weight-management challenges this holiday season, Dr. Rodriguez wants to help. Please e-mail your question to her at DrRod@FatMatters.com.

Previously published in The St. Petersburg Times 12-2-10