As humans, we go about our lives with a constant dialogue in our heads. Most of the time, we’re unaware that we talk to ourselves continually about what is going on around us. We evaluate, judge, make comments, and even rejoice, at times – all in the privacy of our brain. No one else is privy to the conversations we have with ourselves.
What we say to ourselves has an emotional impact, however. The statements that we repeat in our heads determine how we feel from one moment to another. In the past thirty years the field of psychology has learned a great deal about how much power we have to control how we feel and behave by examining, and then changing what we say to ourselves on a daily basis.
Ancient Words
In Deepak Chopra’s readings from the ancient Indian verses of the Bhagavad Gita, he explains that our inner verbalizations create our reality. This inner language is powerful and can create mental patterns that we carry around with us all our lives.
Chopra says, “Psychologists estimate that the verbal cues fed to us by parents and by society, by advertising, by media (that run inside our heads like muffled tape loops) amount to 25,000 hours of pure conditioning.”
These mental patterns of talking to ourselves are at the bottom of our attitudes, beliefs, and behavior patterns. This conditioning gives us the illusion that our choices are restricted when, in reality, we have many more choices than we think.
Self-talk and Weight Loss
Within the area of weight management, the statements that we make to ourselves about losing weight, dieting, and exercising, can mean the difference between success and failure. A large part of therapy with my patients involves combating long-standing patterns of statements that are defeating and replacing them with patterns that create desire and motivation.
Statements such as
“I hate to exercise!”
“I can’t do this!”
“I don’t have time to cook!”…
…can ruin the best laid plans for a fit and lean life.
People can have different patterns of speaking to themselves. One person may use personal judgment repeatedly such as, “Boy, I sure am stupid. I never should have eaten that.” Another may underestimate their abilities through statements such as, “I’ll never be able to run a mile without stopping.” Most people know that if children are spoken to in this way, they are less able to accomplish what is wanted of them. Why? Because such statements create negative emotions and beliefs which interfere with motivation.
If what a person says to themselves makes them feel depressed and hopeless, how will they be able to be successful at exercise and eating better? If the emotions being created by inner dialogues make a person feel unmotivated, how will they be able to follow their intentions to lose weight?
Fortunately, in the same way that statements fed to us by our parents and ourselves might have become negative thinking habits, changing our inner dialogue to one that is more positive and realistic can become a pattern also.
Changing Your Thinking About Weight Loss and Exercise
In the past, I “hated” exercise, outdoor sports, and sweating. I had to confront my inner dialogue about exercise one day when I wanted to take up jogging. I noticed that even before I went outside, I was already saying things like, “Oh, yuk, I hate this. This is going to be hard. I can’t run an entire mile.” Luckily, I gained the insight to see that what I was saying to myself was not only going to make jogging drudgery, but also, that it wouldn’t be long before I quit trying.
I decided to change my thinking about exercise. I took three steps in order to control what was going on in my brain:
1. I would catch myself whenever I was making the typical self-defeating statements about exercise.
2. I would then make myself aware of why my negative statements were self-defeating, and would substitute a positive statement. I said, instead, things like, “I want to learn to exercise. I like running. This is my time and no one can bother me.” It didn’t matter if, at that moment, I didn’t believe the new statements, I was going to stop the old and substitute the new. With time, just as the old, self-defeating statements had become my world, the new statements would also become a part of me.
3. Finally, I would remind myself while exercising that I was going to focus on the present moment, not the future, the end of the track, or how much time was left. I would keep my thoughts focused on the “here-and-now.”
How did I do? Well, it took one year to be able to run one mile without stopping, but that was 1975. Today, I continue to exercise daily, I do it like I brush my teeth each day (without much thought), I enjoy exercising, and I love the outdoors. The old dialogue is gone. As a bonus, I’ve helped countless people to change their self-defeating thoughts about weight loss and exercise, too.
It’s never too late to confront those self-defeating statements that are getting in the way of becoming lean and fit. A systematic and patient approach is all it takes.
Previously published in the St. Petersburg Times
